


I've Got You

by ziamxo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Kidfic, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Pining, Smut, a lot of things go down yall, r&b duo, you're just gonna have to read to find out :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 14:13:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2776007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziamxo/pseuds/ziamxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam reaches for Zayn’s hand in the darkness and when they meet, Liam's thumb lingers, caressing so carefully and softly over the band wrapped around Zayn’s finger.</p><p>“Night, Sunshine.” Liam throws out the whisper into the darkness of the night but Zayn catches it, throwing back a, “Night, Jaan. Love you.”</p><p>“Love you, too.”</p><p>They’re both more than surprised when the tiny human at their side speaks out, “I love you both, now go to sleep.”</p><p>Or the one where Zayn & Liam are an R&B Duo. </p><p>But it doesn't end there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mincuca](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mincuca/gifts).



> This fic made me learn something very important that I think can be applied to everyday life: Take a bad day, and let yourself feel the emotions that come with it. But as soon as the next day rolls on, turn that day into something better than yesterday. 
> 
> That's probably the main reason this fic actually got finished rather than getting abandoned with the dozens of other fics I've left lying around. That _and_ having been surrounded by really amazing people helped me kick this fic into gear (and keep it away from the recycling bin) to initially get it the happy ending it deserved. So, here it is. I truly hope I’m not wasting anyone’s time and I at least make you smile once. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Dedicated to my wonderful [Minnie](http://eighteenziam.tumblr.com) because this fic would've been nothing without you. I hope you enjoy this!

It’s not a common question that gets thrown about a lot.

Especially not in the interviews where everyone is out to pry and pry in an attempt to gather as much information from the two lads sat next to one another in the large love seat with a microphone to each mouth.

Their simple answers to this particular question are always nearly the exact same: _back in secondary school._

And that’s it, that’s enough for interviewers to move onto the next question, clearly already _thinking_ they had the answer they were out searching for.

But oh. That doesn’t even _begin_ to explain it all.

-o-

You see, they were best friends before the mayhem had even begun...

Zayn moved about a  _lot._

As Zayn grew up from an awkward toddler to a young kid, he quickly had to learn very difficult lessons.  Not everyone in the world had good intentions and not everyone in the world would want to be a friend of the _Muslim boy_.

At first, Zayn could not _understand_ why there were such rude, nasty people who tried to bring down his religion, his traditions, and his  _family._ He couldn’t understand it and it was apparent that words and asking were never going to get him the answers he was searching for.

So he fought.

Quite a lot.

It wasn’t as if Zayn enjoyed coming home with a swollen cheek or a busted lip with his mother Trisha’s scolds dying down in her throat as she pressed the gaze with hydrogen peroxide to any visible cuts.

 It wasn’t like Zayn enjoyed  _harming_ anyone in return, that so much he had promised to his Baba who had had to pick up Zayn from school early one day because he’d gotten into a squabble with one of the jerks in his class. But if there was one thing he would not, could not, let slide, was people talking ill of those three things: his religion, his traditions, and his family.

Yaser had only exhaled a breath, leaving the grounds of the school and making his way towards his car before stopping and turning to face Zayn. “Beta.” He had begun, kneeling down in front of the nine year old boy, a hand reaching to squeeze at Zayn’s small shoulder. “I understand you’re having a tough time here, I do. Which is why I’ve asked my firm to transfer me over to Barnsley.  It’s recently renovated and they’ve got a position opened for me if I decide to take it. Would that be alright with you? If we moved from homes and schools?”

Zayn had wanted to protest because _no!,_  this was _home, Baba!_ But at the same time, how could a place filled with nothing but hatred and angst be anything like home?

They moved later that month.

It didn’t last for long.

From Bradford to Barnsley to Derby to Stafford. And then, their most recent location: Wolverhampton. 

He was fifteen, going on to sixteen when he first met Liam. A memory Zayn doesn’t think he’ll ever forget.

~

Zayn’s always loved a good theater production long before he even made it _to_ Wolverhampton. Practically since he was a kid where other kids concerns were things like why Zayn hadn’t brought a show and tell item _again_ or if Zayn would share some of his m &ms with them. But as years went on and the realization that adding theater _didn’t_ help him in his current situation of sticking to one city for more than a year, Zayn decided to watch from the balcony of the auditorium rather than being up on stage with the rest of the cast and crew instead. 

He watched Marissa fuck up her lines six times in a row. He watched Robbie misstep his routine for over half an hour (and, yeah, alright. Maybe  _Zayn_ wasn’t a proper dancer or anything of that sort, but at least he could take direction). And Zayn watched Liam entering the auditorium with his sports jersey and shorts, his head bowed before dropping off a letter to the director only to have Zayn catch the way that Liam eyed at the stage for a beat too long. 

Once the director had signed the form that Liam had presented him, Liam was fleeing the auditorium and that seemed to be it. 

Except it wasn’t.

Zayn had somehow fallen asleep in his seat, the sound of a voice filling the auditorium startling him in his wake. 

And he wasn’t sure what he was expecting. 

But it sure as  _hell_ was not the sight of Liam singing (see: belting) out a Michael Buble track with so much power, so much _passion_. 

And _… what.. the fuck_.

Liam finished the song out of breath, chest rising and falling and Zayn couldn’t help it, okay? The dude deserved the claps that are sounding by his slapping hands.

However, the sound startles Liam and it seems as if his ears are tuning in from where the claps are coming from, looking around the auditorium and it’s not until Liam’s staring directly at Zayn with rosy colored cheeks, and it’s like the wind has been knocked out of Liam once again. 

But maybe that was just what Zayn had imagined.

"How long have you _been_ there?" Liam asks, tone easily defined as nothing but defensive.

"Um." Zayn begins, clearly not having thought this out through. Now he’s  _expected_ to talk to Liam.

The same Liam that is very well known as an _athlete_ _running track and sporting a spot on the futbol team._ The same Liam that clearly is filled with surprises because he can clearly fucking sing. _Amazingly,_ might Zayn add. And, by the fucking _looks_ of it, Liam seems to have the entire package.

Sure, the shaggy straight hair could do some work but.. we can’t all be perfect, right?

_When the hell had Troy Bolton moved to England?_

He’s going to kill his sisters for the consecutive hours they’d had him watch the High School Musical films. That’s the only reason the thought comes to his mind, Zayn swears.

"Well?" Liam speaks out again, eyes glued intently, staring up ahead in Zayn’s direction and if anyone were to walk into the auditorium, they’d probably think Liam was talking to himself. 

Zayn presses a palm to the back of his neck, rubbing at the exposed skin because, yeah, Zayn  _really_ needs to think things through come next time around, “I kinda fell asleep, so… woke up to you singing.” 

Liam stares, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down before a still, quiet moment takes place. It’s like they’re having some sort of conversation with their eyes but Zayn just— he doesn’t know this guy much to understand what the hell he’s trying to _say_. 

"It was really wicked. Like, your singing, I mean. You’re— yeah, you’re really good mate." Zayn stumbles over his words but the instant that he’s got it all out, he’s immediately mentally kicking himself.

_What a fucking moron!_

"Oh," Liam speaks out inaudibly. But Zayn can see the shape of his lips take form and that’s enough for Zayn to understand that if he doesn’t speak up, Zayn’s going to have to unless they’d both like to share a moment of awkward silence.

Liam doesn’t make an attempt and Zayn curses to himself because he’s not _meant_ for awkward situations like these, dammit.

"You in the play? Didn’t see you at rehearsals or anything."

Liam’s face immediately contours into one of horror, “What? No, no, I’m—" he stammers and Zayn’s raising an eyebrow at him, arms resting against the balcony bars as Liam exhales out a nervous breath with a hand rubbing at the nape of his neck. "I just— sing, like. Not in plays or anything but, um. Just, you know. Just for me, friends, family. That kind of stuff."

"And me." Zayn adds with a pointed finger before he truly realizes what he’s just said and his eyes are widening. "I mean, not like—"

But Liam’s suddenly quietly laughing, the nerves seemingly disappearing into the air like the smoke of a cigarette leaving someone’s parted lips and it’s.. well, it’s nice. 

Liam’s laugh, that is.

"And you, yeah. I’m Liam." And there’s a soft wave of a hand being sent to him and Zayn cannot help the fact that his smile mirrors Liam’s because  _I know who you are_.

"Zayn." 

"I know." Liam grins and Zayn is taken aback because  _what?_

"Wait, what? How?" He questions, suddenly acutely focused on the idea of them having met before and Zayn having been a complete twat enough to forget such a thing.

But, no. No, that’s  _impossible._ Zayn would’ve remembered Liam the moment they’d spoken.

It’s not like Zayn doesn’t already and there sure as hell wasn’t _any_ talking the moment he saw Liam across the courtyard. An extra-curricular activity he'd been forced to attend to make up for the fight that he had been provoked by some prick thinking it was funny to shove Zayn into the hallway lockers of the school. 

Liam just shrugs his shoulders before looking around the stadium and it’s that look, that same look Liam had sported from earlier that has Zayn leaning forward in complete curiosity. The look being replaced with one of amusement within an instant of Liam’s question.

“Are you in the play?”

And then those warm brown eyes are back at staring back up at him as Zayn lets out a proper snort. ”No.” 

By then, Liam is nothing if not confused. “Then why— how’d you find yourself asleep _here_ of all places?” 

"Weren’t you listening, _Leeyum_?” He teases, making sure to extend the vowels in Liam’s name so that the younger lad doesn’t take it the wrong way. “I was watchin’ the rehearsals. And then I passed out." Zayn shrugs out with a grin.

"Not your kind of scene, I take it?" Liam questions, tilting his head slightly with a small grin.

"Nah." Zayn easily responds, licking at his lips.

"You sing?" Liam asks, a hand gripping at the mic and the stand with the other before moving it away.

Another shrug from Zayn only ensued, “Occasionally. Depends on who I’m in front of.” 

"What about for me?" Liam asks while his bottom lip is being tugged into his mouth.

"Um." Zayn begins, slowly shaking his head to protest the suggestion.

"I mean, it’s only fair. You creeped up on me, so." And Liam’s tone of voice seems a little more confident, playful even. Not to mention there’s a smile on Liam’s lips that are sort of helping ease Zayn because it doesn’t feel like Liam’s pressuring him or anything. The smile seems to say,  _it’s okay if you don’t want to._ But Zayn doesn’t know Liam enough to know that for sure.

Exhaling out a breath, Zayn licks at his lips with thoughts whirling in his mind. The first and only word that he can conjure is out before he can over think it. 

"Okay."

And that’s the day he met his best friend, Liam Payne.

-o-

The second question that they’re all too used to answering after nearly a decade of being in the industry is one that the duo don’t think they’ll ever truly tire of. The _How or why did you decide to pair up and become an r &b duo? _Causing the two males to turn to each other with mirroring smiles.

The first answer they ever gave?

_“We were bored one day and I pulled out this flimsy old camcorder and asked Zayn to sing a JT song with me.”_

_“You mean_ forced.” _Zayn had responded with a deadbeat tone, though the smile was still underway._

_“You wanted to!” Liam had exclaimed before turning back to the interviewee. “Anyway, so then. Was at work, got a call from someone who said they worked with Simon and .. it all just ended up working out.”_

At least that was the story put in a nutshell.

_-o-_

They were seventeen /eighteen and in Uni; at least Zayn was, studying literature and going for his master’s Degree in English.

Liam had begun to work at the factory with his father the minute they had graduated secondary school in an attempt to help the family out financially. 

And it was stressful on both ends.

And it sucked on both ends.

Zayn was near ready to pull his hair out over the book he had been assigned to read, analyze, present a power point on why the main characters significance had been so important alongside write a fifteen page paper covering the multi-disciplinary approach that— “Yadiyadiyadiya. Fuck me.” Zayn whispered under his breath, opting from shucking the book against the room and ruining the pages in the process.

"Well, that’s not something I thought you’d ever ask but okay. I volunteer." Liam’s responding with a grin as he enters Zayn’s dorm. 

Zayn turns over to face the curly-haired seventeen year old and the glare is prominent on Zayn’s facial features.

“Wha—“ Liam barely gets to mouth through his open-mouthed grin before Zayn’s filling in the gaps.

“Just cos you’re out and proud doesn’t mean you get to practice lines like those on me. I’m a force to be reckoned with. Or—you know, probably a terrible phrase to use at a time like this but I’m just gonna go with it. And stop grinning at me like that.” Zayn bites back, turning his nose back into his book. “It’s not gonna work on me.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”  Liam responds and Zayn _knows_ Liam’s walking closer into the room with a smile on his face because it’s _Liam_ and also because in moments Liam’s leaning down to press a simple, chaste kiss to Zayn’s cheek. “Stop getting all worked up about it, mate. I was just messing about.” He messes up Zayn’s flattened hair with a few sweeps of his hand but Zayn doesn’t even acknowledge it, far too accustomed to Liam’s love for playing about with his fluffed, undone hair.

Zayn snorts, rolling at his eyes before moving himself from the stomach position he’d been lying only to to sit himself at the edge of the bed, the book being set off to the side. “ _Just messing,_ he says. What a right tosser, he is, _I_ say.” But Zayn’s smiling through it and he’s  _relieved_  that his best friend is there. Anything to take the workload off his mind. Even if it _is_ due within two weeks’ time.

Liam’s only response to the teasing is making Zayn a face before he’s reaching for the paperback book, picking it up and flipping it around to read off the title before Liam’s tossing it back onto the bed carelessly. “That looks proper boring. Wanna do something fun?” 

Zayn’s glaring at him again before setting the book against his night hand. Zayn clears his throat as he places his hands on his knees.  “I’m s’posed to be studying, Leeyum.”

“You were also s’posed to be _done_ reading this book a month ago, if I recall correctly.” Liam points out.

“Yeah, and?” Zayn’s raising an eyebrow, “If _I_ recall correctly, that has _your_ name written all over it.”

Liam makes an annoyed whine in the back of his throat and Zayn merely grins. He wins.

 " _Zaaayn. C’mon,_ mate. Do you trust me?" 

Zayn’s face contorts in one of being absolutely confused over the random question, "I—yeah, but—"

"Then come with me? Please?”

“Where _to?”_

_“Zaaayn.”_

“Okay, okay. Fine.” Zayn relents, reaching for his shoes underneath his bed before slotting one foot into it’s appropriate side at a time only to look up at the anticipating grin on Liam’s face.

“We’re not going to another carnival again, are we?” Because, honestly. He’s still not over the goddamn rollercoaster the last one had him nearly throwing up in a few weeks ago.

“No.” Liam promises. “Now hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up! We’ve gotta get a move on.”

Skeptical but pliant, Zayn follows Liam without any further questions.

~

"Liam, I don’t understand what we’re doing here." 

They’re stood outside of a home (see: fucking  _mansion)_  that Zayn doesn’t quite recognize and while the sun is still set high up in the sky with the sound of the breeze rustling the leaves of the trees,  Zayn can’t help but feel nervous over whatever Liam’s planning up his sleeve. Zayn’s been left in the dark for the past forty-five _minutes_ and he doesn’t like it. Not a single bit.

"Remember when we were kids and we’d do those vids of us singing? The ones we posted on YouTube and shit?" Liam questions, body angled towards Zayn with an expectant look on his face.

"You mean the same ones you’ll  _still_ have us do from time to time?” Zayn questions, but the expression he has on his face is nothing but fond with a smile tugging at his lips. 

Liam laughs in return. “Yeah, those. Well. I was at work today and I got a call from this lad—says he works with _the_ Simon Cowell and—”

Zayn doesn’t need any further explanations because he  _knows_ who Simon is. Who in the world doesn’t? 

"Liam." Zayn warns, "Don’t lie—"

They hear the clicking of the doorknob unlocking before the knob is turned and pulled open. In moments the realization of the man they’d both seen on the telly one too many times who was _known_ for changing lives is stood before them. This isn’t real.

“Hello, there. You two must be Zayn and Liam.” Simon smiles. “Come on in.”

Except it is real.

And on March 6th of the year 2011 at approximately 4:15 pm, Zayn and Liam are no longer just _their_ names, but the name of their _duo group._

Officially. 

On a contract.

_That’s how they officially **became** a duo group._

~

After six long and nerve-wracking months, their single is released and things spin out of control.

Their twitter followers begin to increase at a pace they hadn’t been used to, the views of the music video increasing each and every night they’re checking out their stats. The comments (the nice ones, the ones that actually matter) have Zayn and Liam _buzzing_ with excitement.

Their first album releases later that year on an oddly, and unexpected, sunny September day in London. Their nerves have been on a high tide since the moment they had been signed, to all those countless studio hours, the filming of their _first_ music video, to the process of the album artwork and now.. this. Waiting to see who would be interested in their _music._

They don’t have to wait long because eventually, the official stats are placed before them as they hang out in the studio of BBC Radio 1.

Zayn and Liam’s first album does so well that it charts at number _two_ as a debut album in the UK and it’s  _huge._ Especially after coming from a little place in Wolverhampton like they had. It’s  _incredible_ and  _unreal_ and they’re both  _so_ fucking ecstatic that they get proper wasted in celebration.

They know what they’re doing, they know  _exactly_ what’s happening when Liam’s pressing a kiss and then his tongue into Zayn’s lips. They know  _exactly_ what they’re doing when Zayn’s gripping at Liam’s bare torso, pulling Liam against him to rub his hardened member against him through their boxers before Zayn’s running a hand through the hair that’s now lacking the curls he’d gotten so used to, but they don’t stop. And why would they? They’ve got no commitments, they’re best friends, and they’re selling  _albums_ together! Their plans to take over the music industry is just underway and so what if their congratulations, pressing kisses and bruises into one another’s skin, is a lot different than someone else’s? So what if the whispered _I love you_ Liam speaks into Zayn’s skin when they’re cuddled up after isn’t what _mates_ simply tell one another?

They’re Zayn and Liam after all, aren’t they? 

It’s normal. It’s okay.

Except it wasn’t okay, looking back on it.

That sole moment, that sole _decision, they_ had made that night was going to change their futures for good.

And they didn’t even have an idea of what was to come.

-o-

It’s practically a smack to Zayn’s face the day that Liam answers ' _not'_ to another ever-so-popular question that had gotten thrown around quite a lot within their career. This one, concerning their relationship status: Single or not?

It had barely been a little over a _month_ since their own hookup and suddenly Liam now had a girlfriend? Zayn has to admit that that would have explained all of the unanswered phone calls and texts, the strained smiles whenever Zayn would lean over to whisper a joke into Liam’s ear with the laugh never really reaching Liam’s eyes. Zayn had always tried to figure out what had been the matter but Liam wasted no time in telling Zayn he was _just tired_ before excusing himself to God knows where.

But that _still_ does not explain why it seems like Zayn’s the last to know any of this. A _girlfriend_? It doesn’t help _at all_ that Liam won’t even so much as look in Zayn’s general direction as the interviewer presses on about who this lucky lady is and quite frankly, it’s pissing Zayn off far more than it’s breaking him apart.

 _Why_ couldn’t Liam have had told him? Why did Zayn have to be finding out _now_ on television? Just— _why in the fuck?_ Zayn simply finds himself sitting on his own stool, trying to look as nonchalant about this entire fucking thing as possible. November 8th of the year 2011 becomes a day that haunts Zayn.

The interviewers laugh has Zayn focusing back (or at least attempting to) on the words being spoken between Liam and K..acey? Karly? _Kelly,_ that’s it. It’s then that he notices _Kelly_ watching him intently with the microphone practically shoved in his face. He’s lost and he needs a repeat and thankfully he gets it easily, the question on whether Zayn was seeing anyone in secret much like Liam had been.

Liam had been all grins and smiles towards the interviewer but that had immediately faltered at the question, skimming his eyes over Zayn.

 _Fucking ace._ Zayn can’t help but think because that’s _clearly_ a look of pity. But Zayn chuckles anyways, licking at his lips before the condescending grin is taking over his facial features.  

“You know, Kelly. I very well just might be. You never know what you can discover in interviews like these.” He’s being bitter, he knows. But fuck that. He thinks he quite well deserves to be.

He ignores Liam’s uncomfortable stares in his direction that time around because if that’s the game Liam wants to play, then so be it.

Game on.

~

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. And all of a good four months is spent with Zayn and Liam promoting their album while simultaneously tip-toeing around one another. They experience new places of the world and get to meet the wonderful fans that come with it, opening up for a group called Boyce Avenue composed of three cool lads.

Zayn and Liam continue sharing their story of how they even came to be as they are undoubtedly leaving out important key-details that would put to rest the rumors of the two being anything but _working partners._ They ignore it, though.

Only Zayn and Liam know the truth at the end of the day as the avid promotion continues on. But it seems like it isn’t even needed, really, and that’s not even them being cocky, because the amount of positive reaction their debut album had gotten and continues to get is so unreal that they genuinely wouldn’t be able to wrap their minds around any further success.

However, that’s exactly what comes of it.

Their _own_ tour that’s composed of dates in the UK, Ireland, Spain and France sells out within three hours! Weeks pass before word gets out that they’ll also be touring the United States and _that_ leg of the tour sells out in record time. It’s so fucking overwhelming for the two, nineteen year old Zayn and eighteen year old Liam, and it’s moments like those that they’ll forget they’re not on speaking terms when the cameras are off because Liam will embrace Zayn into a hug and Zayn can’t help but go pliant to the touch.

He _misses_ his best friend, is the thing. But Zayn’s ego is far too big to just— _get over this._ And it’s not like Liam’s been doing anything to fix the issue now, is it?

The reality of the matter is—they’re both a mess.

But somehow, their career still stays intact. Being nothing but professional when the time needs be.

But it's awful and as it seems, everything and everyone is against Zayn because it only gets _worse_.

-o-

_“What was going on through your mind when you two received the news?”_

_Everything and nothing all at once._

_-o-_

It’s late June while they’re mid through their first tour, placed somewhere in the East of the United States, when the world around Zayn comes to a complete stop.

Zayn’s not sure what to feel when the news comes in that Liam’s gotten Amber pregnant and she’s five weeks in.

Zayn can still recall the _exact_ same day when Liam had texted Zayn to: _cme ovr pls. emergency._

_He had never hurried up so fast in his life, leaving his hotel room and rushing over to Liam’s down the hallway._

_After Zayn had knocked repeatedly on the door and got no further answer, Zayn had taken measures into his own hands, turning at the knob that had been surprisingly open. The first thing that had managed to grasp his attention was the sight of Liam sat in the middle of the bed, head bowed and staring at his cellular device._

_“Liam?” Zayn had asked hesitantly as he quietly shut the door behind him._

_“I fucked up.” Liam had breathed out in broken sobs and Zayn can’t, can’t, can’t just walk out on Liam. He was incapable of it._

_Zayn hurried to his side, dipping the bed in the process before enveloping Liam into his arms and Liam’s body immediately went limp in his arms._

_“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Liam’s voice had been nothing but muffled whispers into Zayn’s jumper and Zayn’s heart was straining in his chest, fighting his own urge to let the broken pieces of his heart start to show._

_“What happened?” Zayn finds himself asking because Liam’s being far too vague and Zayn thinks_ maybe _he and Amber have broken up. Maybe it didn’t work out._

_But it’s all awful wishful thinking._

_“She’s pregnant.” Liam sobs out; tightening his grip on the material of Zayn’s flannel shirt and Zayn forgets how to breathe while Zayn all but loosens his grip on the hold he has over Liam._

_Zayn wasn’t not sure if he was allowed to be hurt or just be plain_   _angry_ _because how in the hell could Liam of all people be so careless? He was_ _nineteen_ _for god's sake! Liam was nineteen and he_ _shared a career_ _with Zayn and what did this even mean for the both of them? Was this it? Was this the end?_

_“I’m so sorry.” Liam cries out, calloused hands, from the amount of time he would spend at the gym, pressed into his back._

_Zayn still can’t breathe._

_“This wa-wasn’t supposed t-to ha-a-ppen. I’m so-so sorry.”_

_Zayn doesn’t get any proper air in his lungs that night even after Liam’s fallen asleep in his arms but Zayn is left wide-awake with a tear-stained flannel._

_"I’m sorry, too.’ Is a chorus that ricochets in Zayn’s mind that entire time._

_He maneuvers Liam off of him, tucking him into the Queen sized hotel bed but Zayn needs to find some air, find some reason to be, because right now, he’s losing it._

_Without looking back, Zayn clicks the door behind him and makes it out to the roof of the hotel. He needs a cigarette and he needs it now._

_But more importantly than that, he needs to pretend that the news Liam has just shared with him is anything but the truth._

_Or else Zayn is really going to lose his mind._

~

For the majority of Amber’s pregnancy, she’s not really within sight having decided to stay close to home and it’s easier for Zayn to forget the reality of things and that façade Zayn pulled was toned down some, sharing smiles, hugs, and laughs all towards Liam whenever the cameras were on. Through the photo-shoots, award shows, and award _labels_ engraved with no one but Zayn and Liam’s name, it’s easy to forget that anyone else really exists.

But in those moments where they’d have a two to three day break and Amber would come down, Zayn would feel the consequences of his fooled thoughts, feeling ten times emptier than he’d begun with.

It’s early December and they have exactly two more shows before their first successful tour comes to a close.

It’s rank because while Zayn was set to do his job and nothing more, it was difficult not to let the lyrics of the songs or the sight of Liam’s stares across the stage fool him into thinking that _maybe,_ Liam’s nothing but a façade himself. Maybe Liam’s loved Zayn all along, too. But then the curtains would pull and they’d come off the stage and both lads would just look at one another, no congratulations, no ‘ _sick job, mate!’,_ no smiles before they’d go off to their own dressing rooms, pretending the looks from the stage meant nothing to them.

At least Zayn does.

When tour is over and they’ve landed back home, it’s incredible how fast the sleep is gone from Zayn’s eyes the moment he sees a large-bellied Amber nearly waddling over to Liam with such a large smile on her face.

Liam’s at her side in a few quick strides before enveloping her in his arms.

They don’t kiss but they may as well have. The sight of Liam’s sturdy, firm calloused hands never looking so fragile than that moment when he’s rubbing his palm across the growing belly carrying  _Liam Payne's first child_.

And it was never like he  _hated_ Amber because, in truth, she was a wonderful person. Light and cheerful filled with beaming smiles and horrid puns that always had Liam laughing in delight because _they kind of fit, didn’t they?_ But Liam was  _his._ Not, like-- Zayn realistically knew he didn’t own Liam but— Liam was _his first_ , as childish as that had sounded. 

Something went wrong along the way, though. Zayn realistically knew that their time.. Liam’s and Zayn’s--it just wasn’t there for them to share anymore. What they once had was something simple and point blank: in the past. And as much as it killed Zayn, he had to get over it. 

He had to get over Liam Payne.

-o-

But then a specific question had soon become one that had crawled itself under his skin and set him on fire from the inside in.

“ _Zayn, do you think with Liam starting his own family now and his little one being born not too long from now, do you think that’ll change anything within the dynamic of the duo? Or do you think it’ll make you two more unified, much like a family?_

It took Zayn more than a couple of tries to really get a handle of how to answer it. Their PR management had trained and educated them on how to answer questions with tact. But Zayn was slowly beginning to not give a fuck, as horrid as that was. The tone in his voice is nothing but condescending,  a simple brush up followed with “Not quite sure what you can classify as family when involving this one here” and he’d laugh while elbowing Liam in his pause before continuing, “but, we’ll just have to see with time how it all goes, right?”

And that seems to be enough for the interviewer.

Although the look on Liam’s face seems to indicate that it’s anything but.

-o-

They long discussed a break was set to happen long before touring was over for the birth of Liam’s child and Zayn had agreed to it easily. It’d been a long, draining year and three months to not worry about anything but sleeping, eating, and showering in his own home seems to be an ideal way to spend his time before they were set to once again hit the studio for their second album.

But when Sami Andrew Payne is born in late February on a rainy evening, Zayn doesn’t even get a call. Or a text.

He hears it from the fucking _news_ because of some supposed _insider._

And Zayn’s not even sure what he was expecting, really. It’s not like Zayn and Liam have so much as gotten past formality in nearly a year and a half and he wonders—how long until the only thing keeping them together; their career, is gone along with the contract.

But still. Zayn’s _mad._ Because they might’ve stopped being best friends more than a year ago and they’re no longer fifteen, sixteen year olds anymore. They’re fucking _nineteen_ and they’re supposed to be adults about this and Liam couldn’t even spot him a text to let him know his son was born?

And Zayn—Zayn tenses the moment his phone goes buzzing off. But when an artificial blonde’s image is staring back at him with a large grin intact, Zayn reaches for the mobile before answering.

“What?” It’s rude and unwarranted but something tells Zayn that Niall’s well aware of what’s happened.

“Come to the bar, yeah? Harry’s in town for a gig tonight and Louis’ says he’s willin’ to cover a round or two. So, come, yeah?”

“I’m _fine.”_ Zayn snips back and it genuinely takes everything in him not to have a proper strop and simply hang up on the lad he’d met sometime in the summer of last year in a bar during tour.

Niall had been at the wrong place at the wrong time because Zayn had let it _all_ out in his drunken stupor.

From the day he met Liam to Liam’s girlfriend being pregnant. Zayn hadn’t realize until he’s long passed his hangover stage the following morning that he’d just shared his petty fucking life story to a lad who’d once started his career with a guitar case in hand and an expression painted with hope and promise.

Now Niall had been known as one of the best guitarist around the world.

“Never said you weren’t. We’ll wait up for you.” And it’s the click that follows that has Zayn exhaling out a shaky breath.

It’s real now. Liam’s—Liam’s got a kid now…

Liam’s got a kid with someone else.

He coughs into the sleeve of his shirt and he’s _seriously_ got to push away at the thought. He’s calling Paul up because his bodyguard at least deserves that in case he does something stupid and, honestly, it’s the least he can do considering how difficult Zayn and Liam have been for not only Paul but Paddy as well with their constant tip-toeing around.

Tugging on his boots and with car keys in his hand, Zayn makes a promise to himself that if he’s going to drink tonight, he’s going to do it right.

He’s stopped counting the amount of vodka shots he’s downed but that doesn’t matter because Zayn is _buzzing_. His fingers are tingling and his head feels light and he _forgets._ He forgets there’s an Amber and he forgets that there’s a baby and most _importantly,_ he forgets that there’s a Liam.

He doesn’t take anyone home with him like he would’ve wished to but he does end up sleeping on Louis’ old maroon leathered couch that’s peeling and unattractive at this point.

The color kind of makes him want to puke the moment he’s sat up taking in the room before him.

He just barely makes it to the toilets to rid himself of last night’s stupid, stupid, memories but Zayn can’t find it in him to give a proper damn. It is what it is.

Washing his teeth with an extra toothbrush Zayn had long ago put into the cup for purposes quite like _these;_ Zayn rids himself of as much of the acidic taste sitting on his tongue. If only he could do the same for Liam.

He hears shuffling in the kitchen but he halts when his phone goes off, Louis’ going off presumably in the kitchen as well and it’s another punch in the gut when he opens up the message.

It’s a picture of Liam cradling his newborn, a large grin on Liam’s face. The message Liam had attached to it doesn’t help anything or anyone.

**_Look guys my sons hereeeeeee! Doesn’t he loooook like meee! :D_ **

And Zayn’s heart maybe shatters just a little more that time around.

 

~

You’d think that’d be the end of it, but no.

The accident is like the world’s biggest wake up call. 

Liam’s sobs sounding through the phone cause Zayn’s heart to fall straight into the pit of his stomach.

He rushes to Liam’s home as carefully as he can through the storm, and it almost begins to feel like déjà vu before the sounds of Sami’s unattended cries are filling the house as soon as Zayn enters the unlocked front door with Liam nowhere to be seen. 

Zayn rushes up the stairs, shrugging off his wet jacket and removing the damp beanie from his head with the strands of his long, unaffected hair falling in every which direction of his face.

He follows the sounds of the cries and it’s all instinct from then on. He grew up with little sisters, he  _understands_ kids and he’s simply _drawn_ to put them to ease.

When Zayn enters Sami’s nursery, he heads straight for the fussing baby within the crib and Zayn takes note in the infants’ puckered lips.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that the baby is hungry and Zayn is suddenly looking out towards the door.

Liam’s  _got_ to be somewhere, though, because Zayn refuses to believe Liam is playing the part of an irresponsible parent. 

Searching the room, Zayn finds the diaper bag and he wastes no time in search for the baby formula and bottle within it. The release of breath he lets out dizzies him because this can’t be happening. This  _didn’t_ happen. 

This little eight week old baby did not just lose his mother. 

But he did.

"Liam!" Zayn calls helplessly from the room, the baby’s crying only amplifying as the earth, above the ceiling protecting them, cracks once more and— he’s got to brave it out. He’s got to do what he can for the baby. Putting everything back into the diaper bag, realizing his inability to carry it all out at once, Zayn straps the bag around his shoulder before reaching for the infant. With one hand on Sami’s bottom and the other supporting his head, Zayn makes his way down to the kitchen.

It’s not perfect and he fucks up a lot, but he gets the bottle of water warmed up to an appropriate temperature in the microwave. Sami’s shrieking cries pull at Zayn’s heart strings and he’s doing what he can. “It’s okay, Sami. It’s okay.” He lets out exasperated as he gently rocks him while one hand is shaking the bottle with the water and formula mixing together as one. 

Zayn’s mind travels back to the times his mum had used to sing to him whenever he had a troubled day and couldn’t find it in him to sleep. It’s a long shot, but Zayn’s running out of options. He begins to hum that same song his mum used to once upon a time and somehow, that seems to settle the piercing cries into little whimpers from Sami as the infant seems to be responding to the sound of the music. That’s enough for Zayn to feel the stress in his shoulders reduce drastically. He doesn’t exhale a breath like he wants to and instead continues singing a quiet tune not wanting to risk the cries to return.  

Taking a seat on the couch in the living room, Zayn adjusts the infant in his arms before leading the tip of the bottle for the baby to suck on and the only sounds coming from the baby in his arms are small grunts as he greedily sucks on the baby bottle.

Zayn can _finally_ breathe again _._

Zayn’s eyes are welling up out of goddamn  _frustration_ but with intent wide, brown eyes staring up at him, Zayn takes a steady breath that mixes with the sounds of the baby feeding. The skies cracks once more, lightening peeking through the curtain covering the window but Sami is too entertained in the sight of Zayn. It’s the first time Zayn’s ever held Sami, Zayn realizes, staring right back at the baby. And he instantly feels _guilty_ because this little infant, this little angel never deserved the rejection he’d gotten from Zayn at such an early time in his life.

_Once the baby and Amber were able to go home, Zayn had gotten a call from his mum asking Zayn to take proper pics of the newborn. It was then that Zayn had admitted to not planning on going to see the baby, a scold being spoken through the phone but that was as far as it had gone. A full month since Sami was born and the only image Zayn had of him was that same one Liam had texted Zayn on Sami’s birth date._

_So it was sort of an inconvenience when Zayn had lost his wallet somewhere between Louis’ pub to the inside of a cab to a gas station he’d stopped to buy a pack of fags, being unable to due to his lack of pounds. He couldn’t even find it in him to truly be upset over the matter, he was still a bit tipsy off the watered down gin and coke Louis had served him so the warmth in his neck is the only thing that comes to his concern. He should probably call Paul or Paddy. He’s going to get recognized if he isn’t careful. That makes Zayn tug the beanie on his head further down._

_It wasn’t until he was passing a few houses, kicking at a rock along the brightly illuminated sidewalk from the sun when a “Zayn?” is called out._

_An uncomfortably cold shiver runs down his spine but he still looks up across the street to find the last person he’d thought he’d see throughout this break sitting on the porch of their home with a baby in her lap._

_“Hi, Amber.” Zayn waves back politely as Amber adjusts the baby in her arms before standing up and walking down the driveway towards Zayn. Zayn really needs her to not._

_He stays back, though, not wanting her to smell the booze on him from earlier in the morning. They share a casual conversation and Sami’s brown eyes are intent on Zayn with his little chubby hand in his mouth.  “Would you like to hold him?” Amber had questioned but Zayn was quick to decline. If she asked any further questions on why not, he’d at least have the alcohol to blame. Zayn excused himself soon after, hoping them a good rest of the day and Zayn was gone, ignoring the minor guilt he felt thinking of those little brown eyes taunting him in his mind._

_He doesn’t overthink calling Paul this time. He really just wants to get home and fall into the comfort of his bed and never wake up._

Sami didn’t deserve anything like that from Zayn.

“I’ve got you.” Zayn whispers softly, sniffing quietly as he smiles softly at the little infant. “I’ve got you.”

“Amber would’ve been really happy to have seen this sight.”

The ragged, thick, and familiar voice startles Zayn as he snaps his head around to the sound and suddenly Zayn’s  _very,_ very angry.

Instead of letting his emotions drive him like he had avidly been used to in the past, Zayn looks back down to the baby, the wide eyes still looking intently at him though the strands of Zayn’s hair are somewhat covering his eyes from the way Sami’s eyebrows are knitting.

"I can’t believe you just  _left_ him here all alone.” Zayn lets out coldly, the infant reaching a hand up to grab at the necklace hanging from Zayn’s neck.

There are no sounds that are made other than those of squeaking, wet boots against wooden floors before Liam’s kneeling before Zayn and Sami. And Zayn notices the hesitance, notices the way Liam’s hands are shaking in his lap.

Zayn looks up at him and he has to swallow down his heart because Liam’s eyes are bloodshot red and swollen and Zayn  _needs_ this broken expression to leave Liam, to be removed permanently because it’s not--  Zayn can’t bear it.

"I’m so, so sorry." Liam’s lower lip is trembling and his eyes are welling up again and this definitely feels like déjà vu all over again. "I know I shouldn’t be making up excuses, I  _know._ I just— the officials are ringing my phone every three seconds and my mum wouldn’t pick up and I freaked out.” His voice is thick and wavering, and the tears are effortlessly falling down his face but he doesn’t let up. “I wouldn’t leave him. I was— I was just out back. He wouldn’t--“ Liam exhales a shaky breath as he bites back a sob, “ He wouldn’t stop crying, Zayn. He wouldn’t— I can’t be a single father. I can’t do this alone.” 

Zayn’s got his bottom lip dug into his teeth and it’s no longer anger he’s feeling. It’s not. Sami continues eating, still tempting to reach at the necklace but he’s an inch too short to grasp it in his chubby hands. Liam’s sniffle has Zayn snapping out of the little baby’s stare before turning to Liam, “Take off your coat and sit down, yeah?” 

And Liam’s confused but he follows Zayn’s request, soon enough sitting next to Zayn on the couch.  Zayn stands up and he manages to catch the look of confusion on Liam’s face. It smoothens out as Zayn begins to lead the way as he hands Liam’s son over to him, knowing fully well Liam _knows_ what he’s doing already. He’s had two months of experience, Zayn’s just there to guide him. Because that’s what Liam needs right now: Guidance.

He sets Sami back comfortably into Liam’s arms with Liam holding the bottle up well enough to avoid the baby from sucking in air and Zayn just stands back and stares. 

The streak-covered cheeks don’t go unnoticed but. But Liam’s a _good_ father. Why he doubts himself now, it goes beyond Zayn. All he knows in that moment is that Liam’s going to be fine. He is.

Liam clears his throat as quietly as he can once Sami is settled in the comfort of Liam’s warmth with his eyes fluttering shut to a close but the suckling of the milk still continues. “Thank you.” Liam whispers out to Zayn, eyes pulling up to look at Zayn, reassuring the older male that it was he Liam was speaking to.

Zayn licks at his lips before exhaling out a breath of air that he _finally_ gets to release. He reaches forward, wiping off a tear from Liam’s face with his thumb and Zayn speaks without fully thinking his words, "I’ve got you."

And Liam’s left with his face leaning in closer to Zayn’s hand, Sami’s breathing shallowing comfortably as the bottle is drained out and the sucking on the bottle seizes. Zayn carefully removes his hand from Liam’s face and instead places his hand over Liam’s, taking the baby bottle and ignoring the gut-wrenching tightness in his stomach at the contact because this doesn’t change anything—not a goddamn thing.

He licks at his lips again with his head staring intently at Sami, the little pout on his lips all but familiar to Liam’s. Sami’s got Liam’s lips…and his nose. He feels Liam’s eyes looking at him from his peripheral vision but Zayn’s good at pretending he doesn’t see things.

After all, he’s had nearly two years of practice.

 Zayn takes a step back and excuses himself to the kitchen, Liam nodding his head promptly as he tells Zayn he’ll setting his son in the basinet in a moment before Zayn notices the way Liam sniffles, looking down at his sleeping son. And it shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t hurt seeing Liam looking down so lovingly at his son before he’s turning into the kitchen. It shouldn’t hurt when he sees Liam lean down to press his lips tenderly onto his sons’ forehead.

It shouldn’t hurt because _he’s_ wanted this _with_ Liam for so long. _He’s_ wanted Liam to be _his_ family to have and to hold and to share with.

He wants. He wants. He wants.

But that’s something he’s long accepted that he’s not ever going to get. Zayn turns back to the kitchen, dropping the baby bottle into the sink because suddenly there’s not enough oxygen in the room and he _needs to leave._ But then his eyes mist over as he’s staring at the empty bottle with drops of milk still caught on the inside and—

He washes the baby bottle out frantically, setting it on the drying sheet before the back of his arm is wiping at his eyes. He needs to deal with his shit elsewhere. He needs to fucking move on. What’s done has been done for years and it just—

Zayn jumps when he’s caught with Liam, baby-less, before him. His eyes aren’t swelled with tears anymore but they’re still red and filled with pain and Zayn seriously cannot fucking breathe.

Liam looks broken, destroyed, miserable—Zayn should’ve never had come because if he thought it was possible for Liam to break his heart some more without even _doing_ anything this time around, Zayn had clearly been wrong.

It’s Liam’s turn to licks at his dry lips, eyes following down to the tiled floors and he’s at least breathing fine because Zayn’s genuinely forgotten how to do as such.

The silence is deafening and that’s when Zayn takes note that the skies aren’t thundering before them anymore and suddenly Zayn wants nothing more but some sort of sound to come to his ears because simply staring over at Liam with his heart thrumming in his ears is going to destroy every last piece of Zayn’s body.

Liam’s head lifts and his eyes are welling with tears again and his pink lips begin to move, though no sound comes out. And Zayn swears he feels a god awful tightening in his chest.

Liam clears his throat, eyes shutting along with it before he’s pinching the bridge of his nose with a mumbling, “I’m such a fuckup.”

Zayn is left motionless, speechless, but emotionless isn’t one of them. He inhales a breath that seems to do more bad than good to his lungs and it’s moments like right now just itching at him for a smoke. He _needs_ to leave.

So, he does.

Or at least he tries because the moment he walks past Liam, Liam’s hand wraps around Zayn’s wrist unexpectedly and Zayn is tugged to stop in his spot. Liam’s hand is burning onto Zayn’s wrist but Zayn can’t do a damned thing because it’s always been this way, hasn’t it?

Zayn will do anything like stay in their two-man group, stay within reach, stay _near_ Liam; even if that means that he’s the one that gets ultimately gets shattered into pieces in the end.

Zayn’s stupidly, recklessly, and irreversibly in love with the one person who could literally give less of a damn about him.

And he’s even more stupid because his eyes are soon catching brown orbs staring up at him, so full of pain and regret and “Please don’t leave.” is whispered out as if any other tone, any other volume would break this moment. As if Liam hadn’t done so time and time again without much notice in the past; in the now.

Zayn’s wearing down his bottom lip, the inhale of the own shaky breath he takes in feels like acid wearing away at the lining of his lungs. He needs to get _away_ from Liam Payne. “I can’t—“ Zayn begins, tugging at his arm and Liam lets go just like that but the expression is still daunting on Liam.

“Zayn..” Liam nearly pleads but he’s cut off with the sounds of Sami’s fussing. Liam seems more perceptive and he looks at Zayn nearly apologetically before he’s turning and heading off towards his son.

Zayn stays locked in place, Liam long from his sight as he exhales an erratic breath while simultaneously running a hand through the mess of hair he’s got on his head. It takes him a few seconds to gather the courage to go walk out of the kitchen before he’s catching sight of Liam leaned over the bassinet with a soft, saddened smile as Liam speaks quietly to the infant.

And why the hell does Zayn continue to let Liam break him apart like this? Why does he continuously _do_ this to himself?

Tucking his quivering lip between his teeth, it’s a selfish thought that goes through his mind—the one where it’s his and Liam’s kid that Liam’s fawning over. It’s _their_ little family and _their_ little Sami they’re loving and raising together.

But it’s not.

It’s not and Zayn should be over this. He should.

He strides towards the main door, pulling it opened and is immediately faced with the chilly air. Zayn’s name being called behind him as the door slams behind him but Zayn can’t do it.

He can’t keep doing this to himself.

He has to get _away_ from Liam Payne.

~

It’s early May and Zayn had successfully avoided Liam for three solid weeks after the accident. The break they had initially had was only extended after Amber's passing. When they’d return back to the studio to work on the second album? _Until further notice._

Zayn _happily_ took their extended break without hesitation as he slept in until midday, hair untamed and uncut in _weeks_ just like the show he’d find himself watching on Animal Planet. There was something about watching animals and their aggression towards whoever pissed them off easily relating to Zayn.

Niall and Harry and even Louis had dropped in every other day, trading in when they’d drop off food for the _lazy git who needs to get off of his arse and take a proper shower._ So Louis had said.

But those three weeks were put to an end as the knocking on the door that had been consistent for the past two minutes hadn’t faded.

“Are you fucking serious, guys?” Zayn called out as he pulled himself from his bed, his long hair being brushed out of his eyes with his long fingers before he’s rubbing off the lazy sleep from his eyes with the back of his hands. “You lot literally came here three fucking hours ago—“ But the moment the door is opened, the air gets caught in his throat.

“Hiii.” Liam lets out, small hand around a smaller chubby one as he waves it at Zayn, eyes intent on Sami before turning to look over at Zayn with a smile. And Zayn looks anything but confused and it’s then that Liam quickly responds, “Sami wanted to see you.”

Zayn’s eyes had been intent on the little infant the moment the door had opened, his hazily brown eyes staring intently at Zayn as if wondering who this man was.

Sami wasn’t supposed to recognize him. He wasn’t supposed to reach his chubby little hands out to Zayn with a cooing grin on his face.

Sami wasn’t supposed to break his heart, too.

“Do you want to hold him?” Liam asks. And it’s then that Zayn’s eyes finally look up to catch sight of Liam.

He looks good, better than the last time Zayn had seen him and Zayn can’t understand _why_ after everything that’s happened to him in the short amount of time? What the fuck had Liam done to get over someone in just weeks while Zayn had been caught up with Liam for years now?

Sami coos once again, this time with bubbles forming in his mouth with his own spit before lets out a frustrated screech with chubby flailing arms. “He’s not gonna stop until you accept him into your arms, I hope you know.”

Zayn tucks in his lips, opening the door wider for the two to enter his flat and it’s something he instantly regrets because there are empty boxes of take-out scattered across his living room table and while Zayn knows Niall and Louis have tried to make the room _not_ look like a proper dump, it’s evident that Zayn hasn’t lifted much of a finger around here.

Liam seems to not notice, or at least he ignores it because Sami still wants Zayn to pay attention to him and it’s evident that this little boy is maybe just as stubborn as Liam had been with his dream of being an artist.

Clearing his throat, Zayn reaches for the infant, fingers brushing against Liam as they swap the child between the two and Zayn’s not going to make anything of it. That familiarity in Liam’s touch is not one Zayn’s going to dwell in any longer.  Zayn immediately places a hand at underneath Sami’s thighs to properly keep him upright while the other rests against his back.

Liam reaches for the baby carrier he’d set down in the hallway and hauls it in, setting it near the main door while Sami’s chubby hands immediately reach out for Zayn’s long strands of hair, fisting at the hair and tangling with it before Sami’s tugging back _hard_.

“Ow!” Zayn exclaims and Sami’s neutral, curious face immediately goes wide eyed. Sami’s face begins to mold into one Zayn had grown to see on his little sisters and cousins one too many times and immediately Zayn goes into reassuring mode.

“Hey, no, no. Don’t cry. It’s okay, Sami. _Shh,_ it’s okay.” Sami isn’t wailing out his cries yet but his eyebrows are still furrowed and Zayn is rocking him as he looks over at Liam who is giving him this expression that swoops something in his stomach and—no. Sami, Sami, Sami. Pay attention to the child.

“You want to tug off my mane?” Zayn questions, reaching with his free hand for Sami’s little hand and bringing it up to his hair once again, “If you promise not to cry, you can leave me bald. I don’t care.”

Liam laughs at that and Zayn turns to glare at him but Sami’s little hands are hesitantly back at Zayn’s hair, except this time, he isn’t tugging, instead he’s just running his hands through it with eyes completely mesmerized as if he hasn’t seen hair this long on a person in a long time—Zayn stops that thought looking over at Liam and his short mohawk-like hair and Zayn’s heart tightens at the realization.

With Liam staring over at him with a raised eyebrow, Zayn shakes his head, a small smile tugging at his lips. It’s not until he feels the rough patting time and time again against Zayn’s head, does Zayn turn his full attention to the infant. Sami’s cooing and then laughing from joy at Zayn’s short burst of hisses from the hits before Liam snorts a laughter coming up to Zayn’s side.

A hand is immediately taking hold of Sami’s and Liam has to laugh out a “ _Sami,_ you’re supposed to be nice.” Liam tries to grab hold of Sami to bring him into his arms but Sami immediately protests, flailing his arms and kicking his little feet against Zayn’s but he’s three months old. There’s only so much damage Sami can do.

“Looks like I’m the favorite now.” Zayn grins over at Liam and Liam _seems_ like he wants to protest but instead he rolls his eyes because, “It’s not that difficult for you of all people to be.”

Zayn doesn’t understand what that is meant to mean but Zayn’s not dwelling in the thought. He’s not.

His eyes are set back on Sami, though Sami’s seemed to relax now because he’s got his head resting against Zayn’s collar bone, little hands fisting at the material of his black v-neck t-shirt, and it’s not until then does Zayn realize he’s still rocking Sami instinctively.

“Have you eaten yet?” Liam questions abruptly, the bulkiness of something—a diaper bag—still wrapped around his shoulder. “And I mean, like. A proper meal? Not—“ He turns to the coffee table in the living room, “Not takeout garbage?”

Zayn wants to act affronted but there’s no use to it. Especially not with a child in his arms, finding a comfort in Zayn that even he, himself, didn’t know he had in him. “Not.. really.” Zayn lets out hesitantly and that seems to do it for Liam.

He reaches for Sami and its Zayn this time that doesn’t want to let go, but Sami goes over to his dad with a small fuss this time and Zayn’s not sure what’s happening.

“Go take a shower, yeah? I’ll clean up here, make you something quick.” Liam states, setting the diaper bag on the couch efficiently while still holding onto the infant carefully. The sight before him has Zayn quickly acknowledging just how right he’d been. Zayn _knew_ Liam had it in him. Being a single parent and all.

“What? No. Liam, you don’t—“

“I know I don’t. Have to, that is. But. Like. Let me? It’s the least I can do, yeah?”

“For what?” Zayn asks, his head slightly tilting off to the side with knitted eyebrows.

“Just. Shower, please?”

When Zayn finishes his shower exactly 13 minutes later, he’s not quite sure what he’s expecting. He’s just tugged on a simple sweater and sweats, socks on his feet and damp hair being pulled into a bun. It would’ve been eight minutes had he not contemplated whether or not to do something about the mess of his facial hair—clearly something he decided against in the end.

The aroma of macaroni and cheese fills his nostrils and he’s just at the end of the hallway to find the living room is free from any old food trays and everything looks relatively sanitary. Sami’s lying in his baby carrier as he mouths at a pair of baby links clicked together.

He seems entertained enough and when Zayn rounds the room, Liam’s just clicking off the stove before turning to Zayn, a small jump occurring before Liam’s placing a hand over his chest dramatically.

“Way to warn a person. Nearly gave me a heart attack.” He laughs, searching the cabinets for some bowls. Zayn ducks his head with a smile before he’s speaking out his apologies all while he points to the adequate one and Liam thanks him quietly.

“There’s only so much I could do. You’ve got an empty kitchen to work with.” Liam begins to say, working around the kitchen before looking for the spoons and it’s not until he has two spoons and two bowls filled of mac and cheese does he hand one over to Zayn.

 “It’s okay.” Zayn brushes off, “This is good enough.”

“How would you even know?” Liam questions, “You’ve not even taken a proper spoonful yet.”

Zayn rolls his eyes and does as such after blowing on the warm meal to get Liam to shut up, really. Because he’s using this stupid, playful tone and Zayn refuses to get caught up in all that is Liam once again. (Not like he’d ever stopped, really.)

“So?” Liam questions, eyes intent on Zayn as Zayn swallows the food down.

“Um.” Zayn begins, biting back a smile clearly forgetting in those brief three seconds that he’s not supposed to let himself fall into this comfort this easily. “I give it a seven.” He can’t fight off the grin that finishes off his words and that’s what does it.

Liam scoffs and pretends to take the bowl from Zayn, to which Zayn fights back with a “No, no, no! I’m joking, Leeyum.”

Liam stops what he’s doing, a smile so soft, so genuine splaying on his face as he stares over at Zayn.

Zayn can’t help but squirm under the stare and it’s not until he’s letting out a mewled, “ _What?”_  does the pounding of his heart against his chest become nearly erratic.

“Just miss you a lot.” Liam expresses with a shrug rolling off his shoulders. He sets the bowl of untouched food on the counter behind him with arms hesitantly wrapping around himself. “Miss you calling me that.”

The smile that had once been prominent on Zayn’s face fades away and Zayn can’t help but loose his appetite just by the simple, saddened expression Liam is finally giving him. The comforting air around them is slowly turning into anything but. “Liam..”

“No, hey. Stop.” Liam is quick to respond. “It was my fault. Like. All of it. So, I’ve no one to blame but myself, y’know? I—“ Liam licks his own lips as he’s pulling a pained smile on his face. “I put our friendship last and that’s—that’s something I’m never going to forgive myself for.”

“Liam..” Zayn tries for again and Zayn just. Zayn needs Liam to _stop._ He needs Liam to stop talking about this, stop talking about any of this, because Zayn’s done his time with it. He’s settled things on his own. He doesn’t need Liam coming back into his life and ruining the walls he’d built for himself to keep out all this hurt. He doesn’t need the heartache any longer.

“I ran away.” Liam begins. “I ran away from you because I was scared. I was scared that—that with you and I.. with what we had.. we’d ruin something more than just our career. We’d ruin _everything_ we had together.” Liam stops, letting out a scoff that he shakes off. “Guess that that _we_ just converted into a _me_..”

“Liam, stop.” Zayn asks, setting his own bowl down. “Don’t do this to yourself now, yeah? Just. It’s okay.”

“It’s not though, Zayn. I lost my best friend. I lost my girlfriend. All I have left, all that is mine, is my son. That and my career is all that I have and even then, I’ve nearly lost both of them. And that’s—it’s my entire fault in the end. I tried to do what was best for everyone; I tried to _be_ the best that I could be for everyone and for what? So that I could end up losing everything that mattered to me?” Liam’s eyes are welling up, his breathing becoming ragged and uneven.

Zayn takes the closing steps before wrapping Liam up into a hug, pulling Liam’s head into his neck and Zayn just _holds_ him. Holds him from breaking like Zayn is all too familiar with. Holds him from everything terrible that had been thrown in Liam’s direction. Holds him from everything and anything.

“Shhh,” Zayn whispers out, Liam’s whimpered cries leaving drips of water on Zayn’s sweater. “It’s okay, Liam. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you.”

Zayn lets Liam cry, lets him let it all out and _this_ (as awful as it sounds) was the exact type of broken Liam he would’ve expected to see after having lost the mother to his child. Apparently Zayn wasn’t the only one pulling on a proper façade.

 Zayn knows that inhaling the scent that is Liam Payne and allowing himself to get used to the warm of his arms around him—he knows he’s exposing himself for further heartbreak from Liam Payne.

But it’s okay. It’s fine. Liam needs the comfort.

Liam’s worth it.

Zayn knows the feeling of not having that and the last person he’d ever wish that feeling to would still, undoubtedly, be Liam James Payne.

Sami’s cries immediately fill the room and that’s what has the two stepping away from one another, both males heading towards the living room and Liam wipes his eyes against his own sweater.

“Can I?” Zayn asks, turning to Liam. Zayn’s got his bottom lip tucked in between his teeth nervously and Liam sniffles at first before nodding with a softened expression over his once burning eyes.

Zayn easily and with care picks up crying little Sami and those cries remain as Zayn begins to rock him in his arms. Nothing works and Liam’s quick to reach for the diaper bag, “He’s hungry.” Liam sniffles, pulling out a bottle and some formula before making his way to the kitchen.

Sami’s eyes are shut tight as his wails continue and it’s not until Zayn begins to hum out the same song he’d hummed to Sami the first night he was found in Zayn’s arms.

Zayn continues to hum, Sami’s wide eyes coming into view as the infant recognizes the tune, staring intently at Zayn and the way Zayn’s lips are creating such a sound. Sami coos in return.. Zayn grins slightly before wiping off the tears from Sami’s face as he continues singing, still rocking the baby before he feels Liam’s presence loom over him from behind. Zayn adjusts Sami in his arm as Liam places the bottle near Sami’s lips to take.

Sami takes the bottle between his lips without hesitance but his eyes are glued to Zayn and god knows that’s doing something to Zayn. Liam says nothing as Zayn takes over the bottle but instead Zayn feels Liam hook his chin over Zayn’s shoulder and Zayn tenses underneath the touch but his singing continues.

Liam knows this song, knows it all too well. Zayn had shown it to him once after describing the fights and the name calling he’d endured before moving to Wolverhampton.

Still, that doesn’t surprise Zayn any less when Liam joins along. His voice smoothly and delicately harmonizing with Zayn’s and it’s then that Sami’s eyes turn to Liam, lips still sucking on the bottle with tired eyes slowly beginning to droop.

Zayn and Liam don’t stop singing until they’re certain Sami’s fast asleep, the suckling on the bottle coming to a standstill until Zayn removes it, and clears his throat as he awkwardly turns to face Liam.

“Should I set him down or are you, uh. Are you leaving?”

“Do you want us to leave?” Liam offers in return and Zayn has to contain the force in his exhale.

“No.” Zayn speaks out before thinking it through. His actual response _should have_ been yes. But he just—he refuses to say goodbye right now.

So Liam and Sami stay.

Sami gets set right in the middle of Zayn’s bed with pillows surrounding his tiny body to have some sort of barrier just to keep him safe from the edges of the bed. It’s Zayn decision, not wanting to have to force the tiny baby into an uncomfortable position on the baby carrier if he can help it.

Niall and Louis pop up around six pm to check up on Zayn and the minute that they see Liam chilling on the couch with Zayn having chosen that moment to check up on Sami, Louis and Niall are attacking Liam with hugs, toppling over him on the couch. They catch up for a brief couple of seconds before Zayn is out, hushed whispers being scolded at the guys for _being so loud! You’re gonna wake up Sami!_

Niall and Louis excused themselves to at least go see the baby before they were out within a minute. Louis pats Liam’s shoulder before giving it a light squeeze and the “You’re doing ace with him, mate. Really.” has Liam smiling shyly with his head bowed.

They don’t stay long and they’re gone before Liam and Zayn know it. Liam’s exhaling out a breath as he lounges against the couch before a laugh ensues. “I’ve not been around those lads in ages. Harry’s only so much of a character over Skype.

“How’s he been?” Zayn asks, sitting carefully on the opposite end of the couch.

“Just started up his third tour.” Liam lets out nonchalantly, licking at his lips and looking at the distance between the two.

Zayn nods and it’s probably a really terrible time to ask but. “You think…” He clears his throat. “we’ll ever..”

“Tour again?” Liam offers, sitting up in his seat. “Yeah, why wouldn’t we? We’ve only gone on one and—wait, do you not.. want to anymore?”

Liam’s expression is worried, laced with angst at the mere thought and Zayn’s quick to shake his head. “No, no. It’s not that—not that at all.” He breathes out. “I.. I _want_ to, yeah. But, like. Sami?”

“Sami could come with us as well? I don’t see the problem?”

“He’s a baby, Liam. You can’t seriously expect to have him to be traveling with us around the globe? Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have him with us. But. You saw how touring got us the first time around. It’s _exhausting_ and—do you really want to put your child through that?”

Liam places a hand at the back of his neck and rubs at the exposed skin, clearly having not thought this as thoroughly as he’d wished he had. “No, but.”

“I’m not saying, like. That we have to get back into it right away, you know? We could work on the second album, take our time. Take our time to _really_ find our sound, write our own music, and make it worth the wait?”

“You’d seriously be alright with that?” It’s kind of ridiculous to Zayn the look of surprise that washes over Liam’s face.

“Of course I would be.” Zayn lets out almost defensively. “Sami comes first, yeah? Like. Waiting a year or two until he _is_ a little older is nothing in comparison to the three years where we were nobodies and were just some dumb lads making Youtube covers.”

Liam laughs and maybe Zayn was hoping to reach out to Liam, to hear that laugh over and over again, but no. Instead, Liam scoots over to fill the gap between them on the seat and it’s in no time that Liam’s wrapping his arm around Zayn, tucking Zayn into him. This works too.

“We’re still dumb lads.” Liam whispers into Zayn’s hair. “We just don’t make YouTube covers anymore.”

And Zayn’s long melted into the hug, the contrast to him holding Liam and Liam holding Zayn doesn’t go unnoticed. Zayn laughs at that and let’s his ear rest against the sound of Liam’s thumping heart within his chest.

There’s a peaceful silence that fills the room and Zayn feels anything but broken in Liam’s arms. “I miss you, too.” Zayn lets out quietly, a thought that wasn’t meant to come out. And that’s exactly what Zayn had thought it was _, a thought_. But it’s not until Liam tightens his hold around Zayn before a clear and pronounced, “I’m so sorry” is being spoken does Zayn realize that it was far from just a thought.

“It’ll be okay.” Zayn whispers, eyes shutting tight and simply allowing himself to be selfish in the thought that this could be his life forever, held in the arms of Liam Payne.   

“I’ve got you.” He hears Liam whisper as he rubs his hand over Zayn’s arm and maybe they’ve always had one another.

Just not in the simple, uncomplicated way Zayn had thought of.

-o-

A simple question they’re long over receiving now was the one that always had both Zayn and Liam cringing at the thought. The _We know you two decided to take a break as a group because of personal issues but.. Zayn, do you think another break will occur if, say, you decide to start up your own family as well in the future?_

_Liam always used to tense at Zayn’s side, dull fingers digging into his thighs before Zayn would shrug the question off with a smile. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He’d used to say but Liam’s face looked anything but happy with the answer given._

But it’s been nearly a decade since this question even really mattered because things are a hell of a lot different now.

 _They’re_ different now.

That bridge has been crossed.

-o-

It’s nearing five am on a late October night/morning and Zayn and Liam have been at work, writing and producing a single track the entire fucking night. It’s not difficult for them to believe that this song they’d been perfecting could be the single that has them returning to the industry with a bang.

Sami’s being taken care of by Zayn’s mum, who had long since grown particularly fond of the little year old infant so they’re in no rush or hurry to get home.

Their producer, Julian, calls off the night as the finishing piece is set to the track and that’s it. That’s _the_ song.

Zayn and Liam are still buzzing off of that incredible studio session so it comes as no surprise when Liam’s offering to celebrate with a Batman film and some popcorn back at his place. Totally what twenty-one year old musicians were known for doing, of course.

They’ve fallen back into being comfortable with one another, there’s popcorn being tossed back and forth and they’re not even watching the damn movie at this point. The sun is just barely beginning to rise within the horizon but it’s as if they aren’t aware of the concept of time.

The movie’s long finished and Zayn’s body is splayed over Liam, blanketing his body as he takes shallow breaths in his sleepy haze. He’s not sleeping. He’s vowed against it to Liam that he’s pulling an all-nighter given it’s already nearing seven am.

Liam’s just playing with the short strands of Zayn’s hair now, the “miss your hair” comment being one Zayn had heard one too many times. It’s okay, though. It’s alright. There are days Zayn misses it, too. But. Hair was just such a fucking hassle to deal with and Zayn was far too lazy to do anything to it, especially given their relaxed hiatus.

“Least you don’t miss me anymore, eh?” Zayn mumbles into his shirt with a smile.

“True.” Liam responds with no laugh following and maybe that’s what has Zayn lifting his head to meet with Liam’s eyes.

“Something wrong?”

Liam shakes his head before speaking. “Just thinking.”

“Bout what?”

“About all the months I let myself go without you.”

“Liam…”

“And all the months after that you’ve spent with Sami and I.” Liam continues effortlessly, biting at the inside of his cheek. “I love you, you know?”

Zayn’s world stops at a standstill for a second time in his lifetime.

“Don’t—don’t freak out, please.” But Zayn’s already pulling himself up and off of Liam. “Zayn, just. You _know_ I have.”

“That’s bullshit.” Zayn is quickly saying, searching nearly frantically for his boots.

Liam sits up and he reaches for the wrist that’s trying to get a shoe underneath Liam’s side of the couch. “Zayn, listen to me.”

“For what? So you can tell me you love me, again, and then go and find a girlfriend like the last time? No, Liam. Everything was perfectly fine until you crossed that line. I’m not some sort of _game!”_ Zayn pulls his wrist away from Liam with conviction.

“I know you’re not. I know you’re not and why do you think—why do you think that this entire time, these past few months that I’ve seen you fall in love with Sami like he was your own—why do you think I’ve not said a damn thing? I love you. I fucking love you, Zayn. You _never_ told me you loved me back that night. You kissed me and told me to go back to sleep because I was drunk. I knew exactly what I was saying and you didn’t want to hear it, Zayn. You closed that door on us before we even gave one another the chance.”

Liam isn’t done but Zayn is as he finds his other boot, quickly putting it on his foot, “I know I’ve not been fair, I know I’ve been a proper ass for a long time and I don’t expect you to love me in return. And I’m not saying it’s not a terrifying thought to come by because my biggest fear is actually what I love the most. _Who_ I love the most. But you need to know that. You need to know that I love you because quite frankly apparently everyone on this damn planet knows that. Amber, my mum, the fucking fandom—they’ve all known and yet _you_ couldn’t ever come to terms with it and just _accept_ it.”

Zayn snorts, there’s nothing else for him to do. The words spewing out of Liam’s words are far too comedic and it’s better to pretend that this is a sick joke than give into the words he’s listening to as he laces up his boot. “Oh, yeah? If Amber knew so well, why did she stay with you, huh? Why?”

Liam bites at the inside of his lips and his eyes are burning but he’s blinking rapidly to rid himself of any possible, feeble tears away. “Because she actually loved me.”

“ _I_ loved you.” Zayn sits up straight, pointing an index finger at himself, “ _I_ loved you so fucking badly and for what? I pined over your arse for years; I was _there_ for you whenever you needed me. So don’t try to guilt me into saying she actually loved you and I didn’t. Don’t you _fucking_ dare.”

Liam doesn’t even wince, he just shakes his head. “ _You_ don’t get to use the past pretense. Because if _you_ didn’t love me like you say you once did, you wouldn’t have stayed, you would’ve long left us. You would’ve gotten with someone other than a quick one off whenever you wanted to bed someone.”

“Don’t _act_ like you know who I am, Liam.” He’s hisses back as he’s on his way to grab his jacket near the main door but Liam’s behind him all too soon.  He turns Zayn over and he pushes Zayn against the door, bodies pressed flush against one another.

“Tell me you don’t love me anymore, then.” His breath is ghosting over Zayn’s lips and Zayn has to fight the urge to let his eyes trail down to his lips, “Tell me that and that’ll be it. I’ll stop. I’ll admit you’ve moved on and we’ll pretend this ever happened. I’ll forget the way you look at Sami when he’s sleeping, I’ll forget the way you yell at me when I’ve left the baby bottle in the microwave for too long. I’ll even forget how you bathe him with such care and concern and won’t even let me do it because I use far too many bubbles. Or how you’re always nagging me about how _ridiculous_ I am for not believing my vocals are good enough to be on a track. Or how you’re always comforting me whenever I look absolutely horrid in a photo and just want to toss a plastic back over my face. Go on, Zayn. Tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you’ve stopped. Tell me and that’ll be that.”

Zayn’s chest is rising and falling with his heart squeezing in his chest. He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he’s making a mistake. He knows it all too well.

But he doesn’t care.

“I fucking _hate_ you.” Zayn manages to hiss out as he drops his jacket, that same hand wrapping around the back of Liam’s neck before lips are pressing hard into Liam’s, almost violently and without abandon. All of those years of built up lust and want have finally caught up to Zayn and if he’s going to do this, he’s going to do it right.

Liam’s hands are instinctively at Zayn’s waist, pulling him in closer because the gap, the space that they always seem to have between one another doesn’t work, has never worked, nor will it ever work between the two. “You love me.” Liam breathes out, lips leaving Zayn’s and kissing against his stubble-covered jawline.

Liam presses into Zayn and Zayn takes note of his semi-hard member pressing into his own shaft through their jeans and Zayn wants, no, _needs_ more of Liam everywhere. Zayn moans into Liam’s mouth, a hand tugging at the short strands of his hair and this needs to speed up, needs to move this along before this ends without really _getting_ anywhere.

Liam’s lips are trailing down to Zayn’s neck, lips biting into the skin and there’s no time being wasted at all, evidently. “ _Liam.”_ Zayn keens out, his head lulling back against the main door as Liam licks at the lovebite, a mark Zayn’s sure he’ll find later when he’s stood before a mirror.

It’s Zayn this time around that shifts forward in need of friction and he groans in frustration when Liam is pulling him back towards the living room, turning them over so that Zayn is the first to fall back onto the couch. Liam easily slots between Zayn’s legs and its then do they need to take a break, removing at one another’s shirts before Liam’s lips are working down Zayn’s bare chest, fingers working at the buttons of his jeans.

By then, Zayn’s eyes are staring up at the ceiling with his chest rising and falling erratically. He can’t contain the thoughts that start to get thrown in his mind at that particular moment.   _Is this really happening?_ _Are they really going to do this? Is he really going to put his heart out on the line again only to risk Liam breaking the last bits of his broken heart he has left in his chest?_

The questions go unanswered but the brisk wave of air that hits his freed cock is enough of one for the time being. His eyes are forced to look down at Liam and the sight before him is anything but sinful as Liam eagerly takes Zayn into his mouth.

Zayn’s head falls back against the couch and his breathing is coming out in frantic inhales and exhales, his feet pressed firmly—one on the couch while the other dangles and touches the ground.

“Liam, _Liam, ah—“,_ He’s a muttering, mumbling mess and he has to stop this because _this_ , while appreciated and something he’d totally be for if the circumstances were different, is not how he wants to come. He grips a hand at Liam’s hair and tugs him up, _hard._

Liam keens and it’s not until Zayn’s aborted breaths of, “ _Need you. Need you to fuck me.”_ does Liam have to press his palm into his own hardened member still straining against the clad material of his jeans.

Liam comes off of Zayn and the warmth of his body is seizing to exist but, “I don’t have anything—“

And yeah, they’re at Liam’s house but. The circumstances in which Liam had found himself were enough for Zayn to understand.

“My wallet. There’s—“, he’s exhaling a deep breath before continuing, “lube and condom.”

Liam makes a face but it’s one that recedes as he gets up and reaches for the wallet on the other side of the room. He’s tugging off his shirt in a swift motion before he’s pulling out the foil and a small packet of lube. Zayn isn’t sure of anything other than the fact that he’s fucking _horny_ and Liam needs to hurry the fuck up.

It’s as if his wishes are being granted when his jeans and boxers are being tugged off and thrown somewhere on the ground with Liam opening up Zayn’s thighs, Zayn’s unattended member resting against his stomach and Zayn has to fight his willpower to reach out and wrap a hand around it.

Zayn keens at the sensation of that first lubed finger pressing into him. It’s an uncomfortable burn that he needs to get accustomed to, but the moment he’s giving Liam the okay, the slicked single digit pushing into him is soon not enough and Zayn’s breathing out for more.

Liam is nothing if not obedient and complies, scissoring Zayn’s tight hole open with two fingers. Zayn’s hands are gripping on anything that he gets within his hold. From the couch to whatever part of Liam he can get a hold of and the third finger comes as a surprise but Zayn takes it with practiced ease as it hits _those_ bundles of nerves that make Zayn lose his breath.

“ _Li—Jesus fuck—need you now. **Please.** ” _

Liam wastes no time in shucking off his jeans and boxers and the sound of yet another packet ripping mix with the sounds of their labored breathing fills the room. The moment Zayn feels the tip of Liam’s lubed dick against his tight hole, Zayn groans, a hand coming behind Liam’s back as his body begins to loom over Zayn.

Liam sinks into him agonizingly slow and Zayn’s dull fingers can’t help but dig into Liam’s back, wondering if the marks he lives today will still be there when they wake up. Liam’s sunk deep in Zayn and he’s left breathing into Zayn’s neck, waiting for the okay. Zayn only clenches which causes a guttural moan from the two to be wavered into the air around them.

“I’m good, Li— _fuck!”_ Liam’s like a switch and the moment the okay had been announced, Liam had grabbed at Zayn’s hips before slipping out only to thrust back in with a purpose.

Liam meets Zayn’s lips once again, though with their panting breaths and Liam’s body rocking over his each time he pressed further into Zayn, their lips are wet and eager, barely forming a proper kiss.  Realistically, Zayn knows Liam’s not much bigger than Zayn other than the width of his shoulders and the size of his arms but he can’t help but feel like he’s being blanketed from everything terrible in the world, like Liam’s protecting and loving Zayn like Zayn had done so towards Liam time after time.

That thought hardly matters in that moment though because Liam’s wrapping a hand around Zayn’s shaft, giving it a few quick pulls and this is all going to be over embarrassingly soon.

“Tell me you love me.” Liam grunts out as he sinks deeper in, that bundle of nerves being found as Zayn more than moans into the air surrounding them. Liam free hand trails up Zayn’s arm until he finds Zayn’s hand before he’s interlacing their fingers and bringing it up over Zayn’s head, a deep thrust pulsing into Zayn, “Tell. Me.” Liam tries for, the sheen sweat not going unnoticed as he continues hitting that spot without abandon.

Zayn is a blubbering mess but his chants are like music to Liam’s ears. The, _“I love you. I love you—ah, fucking shit! Liam, love you so fucking much.”_ pushing Liam closer to his own release.

 _“I’ve got you, Zayn. I’ve got you. Let go. I’ve got you_.” He’s huffing out, giving a few more tugs of Zayn’s cock and it’s in a moment that Zayn’s spurting his come against his and Liam’s chest and that only has Liam release a throaty groan, a few more thrusts before he’s coming undone and spilling into the condom.

They’re left like that for a while, Liam laying over Zayn as they both force the air back into their lungs as Liam makes the first attempt to move, unwrapping his hand from Zayn’s oversensitive dick and as he’s pulling out, Zayn hisses, his hole clenching as the length of Liam is long gone, feeling emptiness in its wake.

Liam presses a kiss to Zayn’s sweaty forehead before he’s getting up with to tie off the condom and throw it out. Zayn hears the water run but he’s too far gone in his hazy thoughts to think anything of it.

When he returns, Zayn is still stuck in the same spot and it’s not until he feels Liam looking over him all nude and unashamed.

“I’m not… I can’t—‘m not moving.” Zayn mumbles out, eyelashes fanning over his cheeks with the light of outside brightening with every passing moment.

Liam laughs and begins to wipe of Zayn with the damp warm towel he’d gathered before he’s tossing that next to the pile of clothes they’d scattered over the floor.

How Liam manages to pick up Zayn _and_ make it up the stairs to Liam’s bedroom, Zayn has no idea. All he does know is that the comforters on this bed are really fucking comfortable and though he knows he _should_ shower, he can’t find it in himself to get up. “Five minutes… then shower, ‘kay?”

And Liam laughs as he shuts the curtains, blocking the early sunlight from the room before he makes his way onto the bed, arm immediately wounding around Zayn to pull him into his warm, sweaty body.” No shower.” He mumbled, smirking as best as he could with now suddenly very droopy eyes. “Sleep. Then we can go at it again in the morning. _Then_ shower.” Liam joked, though there was something about the tone that Zayn knew Liam wasn’t necessarily joking. Zayn could agree with the notion.

Zayn laughed into his chest but his eyes remained shut as he felt the comforter blanket being pulled around them, “It _is_ morning, Leeyum.”

Liam snorted in return before kissing the crown of Zayn’s head. “’s not morning until we wake up. Shut up.”

Zayn simply grins, nuzzling closer into Liam. “God, I love you.” He stated out loud, lame as fuck smile still very much evident on his face with one of Liam’s arms coming up to rest under his head while the other pulled Zayn into his side, the heat of their bodies long having died into simmered warmth.

“I love God, too.” Liam implies and he _so_ deserved that gentle elbow to his side before Zayn’s turning in his spot with his back to Liam. “Zayn, too.” He laughs, following Zayn to spoon him with an arm around his torso with his face burying into Zayn’s neck. “I love you.” He whispered, pressing a kiss just below his ear.

Zayn squirmed but took no time into interlacing their hands for a second time that night. “I hope so.” He mumbles out quietly, body pressed flush back into Liam as they allowed the night (early morning) to take its course and, well, they’d see what the rest of the day had to offer them once they woke up.

That same day, they don’t wake up until there are yells being directed at them that immediately have Liam waking up alarmed. It’s Harry with Louis and Niall not far behind.

“Fucks sake, we’d thought you two had killed one another!” Louis exclaims and Liam’s guard doesn’t let down because he and Zayn are still naked underneath the comforters which is something that Liam can go without them seeing.

“Do you guys know what a phone was invented for?” Niall questions, waggling an eyebrow as Zayn stirs in the bed, slowly pulling himself to sit upright with confusion and sleep set on his face, “Well, clearly you two don’t but you seriously fucking suck. Zayn’s mum’s been wondering if you two want her to babysit today all day!”

“Not like she hasn’t practically done just that already, Niall.” Louis lets out with a roll to his eyes.

“This shit was asked since the morning! What was I s’posed to know that these two were shagging?” Niall explains.

“We’ll be leaving, then. Call your mum, Zayn. Liam.” Harry nods, looking over at Liam with a laugh following the shake of his head before the door is clicked shut. When the hell had Harry returned to England?

Liam turns to Zayn and Zayn is just barely rubbing off the sleep from his eyes before he’s speaking with the morning voice still very much evident, “Literally, what the fuck just happened?”

Liam laughs and shakes his head with a shrug before leaning over to kiss Zayn’s cheek, “Up and at ‘em. Gotta shower and go pick up Sami.”

“Ughhh.” Zayn groans, slumping back into the fluffy, white pillows.

“I’ll blow you properly this time if you hurry.” Liam offers as he makes his way off the bed, still completely bare.

“I hate you.” Zayn mutters as he sits up at the edge of the bed, tugging off the comforter from his body.

“You love me.” Liam grins as he makes his way to his bathroom, door left open as he starts up the water.

Zayn can’t even form a retort to rebuttal that because, yeah. He really does love Liam. Always has.

-o-

_Zayn, Liam earlier said Sami considers you just as much his father as he does Liam. Did that ever surprise you in any way?_

“Did it ever…” Zayn begins, shaking at his head with a fond smile. Liam wrapping a hand at his shoulder before squeezing.

_Did it fucking ever…_

~

Once the year 2014 starts up, everything begins to get frantic. Zayn’s birthday passes and it’s a simple little gathering he and his friends have with Karen babysitting Sami. The album gets finished nearly two weeks later and that is another celebration in itself.

February 21st rolls around and Sami’s turning his first year and that’s another two thousand pound celebration that Liam and Zayn were forced to reign in by their mothers. Liam gets excessive with the photographs but Zayn doesn’t mind. The more the merrier, yeah?

The second album has a date set in stone for the release. April 4th it is. If the two thought they had hectic schedules before, they were clearly out of their minds once promoting has to take place for a proper good three months.

It’s difficult with a child at their side this time around but thankfully the boys have the support of their families. It’s hard as fuck to leave the young fourteen month baby with Liam’s mum but it’s necessary given Sami is undoubtedly joining them on tour. That’s out of the question. That doesn’t make the separation anxiety any less difficult to handle.

Once promotion is over and done with, Zayn and Liam have a solid two weeks to share at home to pack and get ready for the world tour they’re ready to embark on.

Sami was only a year and a half when they’d spent their last family dinner of the 2014 year at the Malik household before tour swept them away for the next six months.

Trisha was off with Karen in the kitchen prepping up the remains of their dinner and it its comical how Yaser is smothering the infant with kisses and cuddles as Sami laughs excessively in large spouts, filling the room with proper joy from everywhere. Liam’s telling him some story about the time Zayn nearly cut off his head for allowing a German Shepard to sniff around at his child.

Zayn hears and the whine that follows isn’t unwarranted, “The dog was anything but a gentle giant, Leeyum. Baba, don’t listen to him.”

Yaser laughs and Sami begins making little ‘ba-ba-ba-ba’ repetitive sounds and no one really pays much attention to it until Sami squirms in Yasers’ hands turning to Zayn with hands outreached for him. “Ba-ba.”

Zayn freezes, unsure if what he’d just heard was right. Sami makes little fists and squeezes repeatedly, grunting with eyebrows knitted. Zayn looks over at Liam warily because. He doesn’t want to upset Liam over it but Liam’s only looking at Zayn with these large brown eyes, a smile that makes Liam look far too much like an adorable endeared puppy.

“Ba-ba!” Sami exclaims unhappily before Zayn is following suit and taking the little boy in his arms. “What’s the matter with you? Huh? Getting a little tudey, don’t you think?”  He hears Liam’s laugh as Sami only coos proudly and Zayn rolls his eyes, turning to Liam once more whose winking at Zayn before starting up another subject with Yaser.

“Baba” Sami coos once more with a grin, chubby hand on Zayn’s face and really, Zayn can’t help but mirror it. “Hi, Sami.”

“Baba.”

And fuck if Zayn doesn’t really love the sound of that.

“Baba.” He reiterates, holding onto the little boy that has somehow turned into his, kissing him repeatedly on his little chubby cheeks eliciting another chorus of laughter from the infant.

~

When Zayn and Liam’s one year anniversary comes around, they spend it with Liam and Sami playing on the piano while Zayn records it off as he stifles his laughter. Sami gets _so_ frustrated when he doesn’t elicit the same melody that Liam does and it’s all too endearing for Zayn to handle. Zayn doesn’t need anything else to mark this particular day because everything he’s ever wanted is sat right across from him. 

The rest of the 2014 year goes off in a blur. They attend multiple award shows and more awards are added to their collection. Questions don’t necessarily involve just them, the fandom having taken a particular love to Sami to the point where people are always nagging at the pair why they don’t take their kid out into public.

 _Their kid._ A thought that still fucks with Zayn’s mind and his heart if he’s being honest.

But its understandable given the crowds outside of hotels and venues are only getting better. They’re being precautious, putting the baby’s safety in the forefront.

When tour is over early in the New Year, they finally get to _breathe_ as they enter Liam’s home. At this point, Zayn’s not sure why he continues to pay the lease of his flat when he knows he’s going to be at Liam’s the majority of the time. Still, it’s left as it is and it doesn’t get brought up until Zayn and Liam are _properly_ celebrating Zayn’s birthday a few weeks late.

But it’s worth it.

This time around, Sami is hanging out with uncle Niall and Louis so they’re free to do whatever they so desire.

Zayn and Liam opt from going out anywhere fancy, only wanting to spend the day with one another without having to worry about anyone or anything else.

However, whatever they so desire to do that particular night just so happens to be each other.

And it’s completely worth it when Liam is fucking into Zayn against the wall that night, finger printed bruises against one another’s sides. Their labored breathing is sporadic and no one is holding anything back.

Zayn gets a fist wrapped around himself as he feels the bundling nerves in his stomach begin to coil, his face contorted into one of pleasure and its seconds before its Liam who comes undone before Zayn.

Liam’s legs are buckling underneath him but he’s not done, he’s not letting up. His hand wraps around Zayn and in a few short tugs, Zayn’s own climax is following suit with his cum spurting within their hands.

With Liam’s forehead resting against Zayn’s as they catch their breath with Liam pulling out of Zayn. Zayn bites down on his teeth before he tentatively lets his feet touch the ground and while his legs nearly go under him, Liam’s right there to hold him upright.

Liam smiles over at Zayn with a simple, “Hi.” That slips his lips. Zayn grins, still gathering the air in his lungs but it doesn’t stop him from leaning over to kiss Liam’s pink lips. “Hi.” He returns.

“Love you.” Liam then offers, a kiss being pressed to Zayn’s nose this time. Zayn scrunches his face mildly but he’s still laughing quietly underneath it. “Love you, too.”

Taking a step back, Liam takes note in the cum on his hand and it’s then that he lets out a laugh before he’s nodding. “Right, shower it is. Then sleep.”

Zayn simply grins but he’s not far behind Liam as they make it to the bathroom to finish up what they had started.

-o-

A question that never fails to make both Zayn and Liam laugh is one that involves their superstar son. _How does it feel knowing your little seven year old son has over three million followers on his Twitter?_

With 2015 already nearly three months in and Sami having already turned two years of age, it’s truly starting to baffle both Zayn and Liam how quickly Sami’s growing.

It doesn’t require much before Zayn and Liam decide that the year 2015 is going to be Sami’s. Well, Sami’s _and_ the art of writing music. Their last two albums had done exceedingly well, something even the two of them could ever dare to imagine. They’d made connections with many popular artists around the industry, from Usher to Justin Timberlake, to Britney Spears and Beyoncé, Jay-Z of course. Zayn could _never_ forget Jay-Z or Liam would probably have his head. Everything was in short: perfect. They’d gotten so much positive support (and of course the negative came from it, but so what? It made Zayn and Liam want to work that much harder). Their twitter handles were exceeding fourteen million followers individually and _really,_ what more could they ask for then the twenty-one awards they’d picked up all the way from Teen Choice Awards to American Music Awards to being recognized on the Billboard 100 for their main single coming in at number one for 23 consecutive weeks. How unreal was that? 

But with how Zayn and Liam were, there was always a goal in sight ahead. This time? A Grammy.

So they work like madmen in the studio, gathering the best of best producers in the industry. They’re writing songs from left to write from falling in love to falling out of it, to heartaches and breakups, to family and friendship. Still, their sound stays original and stays, in retrospect, as _Zayn and Liam_.

They still attend a good amount of award shows and boost up those twenty-one awards to thirty-two, no, thirty- _three_ but other than that, they’re completely M.I.A.

So when the year is over in the blink of an eye and Sami’s turning three years old, the anticipation for their third album is creeping up on them steadily. But they’ll be ready for it, they’re sure.

It had started off as a joke. Liam wondering how many people were even aware that he had a son. Sure, Sami was always at his side and sure he talked about him enough in interviews for it to be evident. But there were still those people who refused or downright didn’t accept that Liam had had a kid, thinking the young toddler was a little brother to the twenty-five year old.

“You’re insane.” Zayn had laughed, leaning over to touch at the touch-screen of Liam’s laptop before changing the image. “Use that one. He’s got a proper cheeky look on his face. The girl’s love it.”

Liam turns to Zayn in that instant with raised eyebrows. “This is not an eHarmony portfolio we are making for our three year old son, Zayn. This is for his _Twitter_ handle.”

Zayn waves him off, cropping up the image with his hand before pressing the necessary buttons to have the website register the image. Zayn doesn’t waste his time and immediately, he’s pulling out his phone to search for their sons Twitter to follow him.

Liam’s just thinking up a tweet to post followed with an attached photograph of Sami cuddling up a pony he’d gotten to ride at the fair a few weeks ago but as Zayn refreshes the profile on his phone, the followers increase rapidly.

“Fuck, he’s at nine hundred followers.” A pause, “Shit, twelve hundred.” Another pause, “Fifteen!”

“Zayn.” Liam laughed out, shaking his head and sending the tweet. “Relax, will you?”

“Baba! Papa!” Sami’s voice stops them and they turn in the couch to see their little toddler walking with Louis and Niall not far behind him.

“Yes, beta?” Zayn questioned, reaching over the couch and picking up their son. However, Sami’s got a paper he’s waving around and it takes no time for Zayn to question it. “What’s this, Sami?” Liam shuffles in his seat, shutting the laptop and setting it on the coffee table.

Sami grins as he sets it on his little thighs, pointing to the figurines in the crayon-colored drawing.

“Thass me.” Sami begins, pointing at the smaller child with the crazy head of curls in comparison to the rest. “Thass papa.” This time his little finger is pointing at what the assume is Liam, the quiff on his hair large and quite laughable but when Zayn turns to look at the hair on Liam’s head, he pursues his lips before an, “That’s accurate" slips his lips.

Liam prods a finger into his side and Zayn squirms but Sami isn’t done yet so they focus back onto their child. “An—an thass baba!” He exclaims and Zayn tilts his head, unsure if he’s reading the drawing correctly.

“Sami?” Liam starts up and Sami’s large brown eyes are staring up at Liam, “Yes papa?”

“Why’s baba outside of the house with all of this things?” Liam questions, pointing at the boxes piled up behind Zayn’s figuring who seems to be standing in front of the door.

“Cos—cos baba needs ta.” He sniffles, wiping his nose across his jumper and Zayn has to avoid getting up in that instance to get some cold medicine for him. He’s just _barely_ recovering from the fever and no way in hell is Zayn letting his kid getting sick again. “Baba needs ta' move in wif us. Forebber an' eber.”

Liam furrows his eyebrows and Zayn turns to him just as confused. Liam turns back to their son and tilts his head. “But baba already lives with us, sweetheart.”

“No!” Sami exhales and Zayn turns to catch Niall and Louis watching this all with little grins on their faces. “Baba awhways—he awhways goes 'way to tha' otha place an—an' sometimes baba doesn’t come back! I dun like that papa.”

The guilt sets in deep.

It was _one_ time.

One time that Zayn and Liam had had a proper argument. What over, they couldn’t tell you because it was _that_ stupid. The point of the matter was that Zayn had left and slept at his flat for the night. Liam and Sami were at his door the next morning with Liam muttering his apologies.

“Kids got a point.” Louis finally inquires and Zayn catches sight of Niall nodding nonchalantly in return. “Well, he _does._ Why do you even _have_ that flat, Zayn? You’re never even there. If it wasn’t for the cleaner, that place would look like a proper graveyard.”

Zayn sighs and he turns to Liam.

“Can you guys take Sami for a second?”

Louis nods while Niall pick Sami up in his arms, Sami leaving the portrait with Zayn before he’s pursing his lips.

“We’ve talked about this before.” Liam shrugs. “You don’t have to have that flat anymore, you know. This is—this is your home, babe.”

“I know, it’s just.” Zayn begins, eyes intent on the drawing of the figure standing outside of the door.

“Nothing’s going to ever change. I know it’s a fear of yours. That I’ll wake up one day and not want this, but.” Liam hooks his index finger under Zayn’s stumbled one to catch his line of sight. “But I’m always going to want this.”

“But what if you _don’t?”_ Zayn stubbornly questions, because it’s true. What _if_ Liam doesn’t someday? What if he decides that maybe this life they’ve built for one another isn’t enough and what if—

“One second.” Liam asks for before he’s standing up and quickly making his way up the stairs.

Meanwhile Zayn is left on the living room couch, eyes looking around the room to find photograph after photograph of the small life they’ve built for one another.

Sami’s first birthday. The day they won their first AMA. Sami _and_ Liam with spaghetti smeared all over his face. Going platinum on their first album. Sami’s first step. Breaking the VEVO record on their second record of their second album.

He’s reliving all of these moments that the steps coming down the stairs catch him by surprise. Liam rounds the couch but he’s immediately down on one knee with a small box opened and presented to him.

“This wasn’t how I was planning on doing it, okay? Just. You’re _so_ frustrating and I’m so in love with you and if ruining the surprise of asking you is what I have to do for you to believe me, then to hell with it.“ He inhales a breath before he’s exhaling it dramatically.

Zayn’s just left shaking his head fondly, his heart beat pounding against his chest as he watches the scene before him.

“Zayn, I love you. I love you so fucking much that I can’t even explain it. You are a piece of work but you’ve always been worth it. Every moment. And I know I’m not the easiest person to be with, either, I recognize that. But you look at me—you look at me like I’m worth something. And I know, you’re probably thinking _blahblahblah you are, look around at the awards we’ve won_ but those mean _nothing_ if you weren’t with me. If you weren’t right next to me in this crazy maze. It would mean nothing if I didn’t get to experience the world without your arm wrapped around me, giving me your take of the things we get to see together. And it kills me to think that you think I might one day decide I don’t want this. But, _goddammit,_ Zayn. I want it always. I want it always with _you._ I don’t want to waste my lazy days where you’ll pull me back into bed when I’m s’posed to go on a run. I don’t want to get yelled at by anyone other than you because I may have accidentally left the stove one—this isn’t my admittance, I still stand by the fact that I didn’t do a thing, alright?”

Zayn laughs, his eyes trailing down to the band in Liam’s hand. Liam continues speaking as Zayn takes in the platinum silver band with an array of diamond accents that spread out until it reaches the middle of the rest of the ring. Zayn’s not even sure _how_ the hell he was even able to take note of that when he feels the burn in his eyes.

“I love you and you know that I’ve got you. I’ve got you now like you have me and I promise, no, I vow, to love you until—until fornever. That’s not a word and I need you to stop laughing right now because I’m trying here, okay?”

“To promise and to vow is the same thing, babe.”

“ _Zaayn.”_

“Tell him to say yes.” Zayn hears a whisper and he turns around at the time opportune to hear Sami, who is held up in Louis’ arms, “Say yes, Baba!”

Zayn laughs and then Liam laughs, but Zayn can take note of the trembling hands Liam’s got as he’s holding out the ring with the question still hanging in the air.

“I hate you.” Zayn sighs out, forgetting about the ring but pulling Liam in just the same with their lips clashing against one another.

“You love me.” Liam grins, but his voice is elated and when they hear Sami let out a chorus of “Eww!” with Niall and Louis backing him up, Zayn laughs as he sees the way the corners of Liam’s eyes crinkle out of pure joy.

Liam wastes no time after that, placing the ring on Zayn’s ring finger and it isn’t until they celebrate that with a softer kiss do the chorus behind them change from “ _Ew!’s”_ to “ _yay!’s”_

“So much, you don’t have an idea.” Zayn whispers into Liam’s mouth, pulling him into a hug and digging his nose into the crook of Liam’s shoulder.

 _So much,_ I _don’t have an idea._

~

When April of 2016 strolls around and their album is released late in the month, there are no words to describe what they’re feeling. Not to mention, people have taken an interest to the band on Zayn’s ring finger.

They don’t have to say anything for people to know who it’s from but that doesn’t stop the questions from rolling. And for once, they don’t _actually_ mind. Because they’ve got everything they could’ve ever wished for and no way in hell was anyone going to take that from them.

While Zayn and Liam worked tremendously hard on the album (and low-key figuring out minor details of their wedding) they still don’t believe the news they’re hearing. They’ve gone number one in over seventy-eight countries. Their album is number one on the iTunes Chart and their newest single is getting rave reviews from people that used to bash their R&B sound, claiming it was a rip-off to the _classics._

They were saying?

Their third tour is bigger and better than the last. Selling out nearly 250 million tickets within the first six hours, with new dates being added nearly every other day. This tour is going to be _wicked._

And that it is.

The majority of the reviews they continue to read on the album are excellent and Zayn and Liam are _buzzing._ It isn’t until very early December before the last show of their final installment to the tour do rumors start circulating about the possibility of a Grammy nomination.

And _fuck_ if they don’t let out proper sobs of _joy_ because they’ve done it! They’ve fucking done it! They’ve been nominated for not only _one_ Grammy but _two!_ To top massive news, they’re also being invited to perform. Zayn’s sure if he doesn’t pass out, Liam will.

But they don’t and instead celebrate with their gathered families in large. The Payne and Malik household live by the motto: Go big or go home.

And they sure as hell go big.

The two months that lead to the 59th Annual Grammy celebration are nothing but constant nerves and pressure being built on themselves.   _What if they don’t win? What if they do? Do they know who they’ll thank? What faces will they pull if they lose?_ It’s all one big fucking question mark. 

So, naturally, Liam turns to focus his attention on the wedding.  They’ve set the date and have the majority of the preparations set and ready to go.

They’d decided on a small wedding in June of 2017. One meant for close friends and family and nothing more.

And so what if their close friends also consisted of people like Pharrell Williams, Ed Sheeran, Usher, John Legend and the likes? Friends were friends, just the same.

They still have a good eight months of preparation but it still feels like it’s coming too soon and not fast enough.

 

“ _Jaan, come back to bed.”_ Zayn had muttered into the pillow of their bed.

“One second.” Liam responded, scratching off the recently written _four-tier cake_ with the same lead of the pencil.

“You’re gonna go mad like that, babe.” Zayn had returned, though the sounds of the comforter being pulled off didn’t go unnoticed.

The warmth that comes around Liam with Zayn’s chin hooking around Liam’s shoulder from behind has the stress fizzling out of his body like the heat of a sauna. “C’mon, mum said she was gonna handle the cake.” Zayn presses a kiss underneath Liam’s ear before he’s humming out a familiar tune and it doesn’t take long for Liam to smile as he turns in his seat.

“That song doesn’t work on me like it does on Sami, you know.”

“Really? Then..” he reaches for Liam’s hands, taking a step back towards the bed, “maybe we can figure out if something else will work for you.”

Liam sets the pencil down and follows Zayn without a moment of hesitance, his lips immediately finding Zayns’ as his body loomed over his fiancé’s.

“Maybe.” Liam agrees, tongue licking at the seam of Zayn’s lips before getting to taste the familiarity of Zayn against his tongue.

“Are you challenging me, Mr. Malik-Payne?” Zayn questioned, turning them over with ease with his thighs caging Liam in, his lips nipping at Liam’s jaw before trailing it down to his neck in search for the weak spot Zayn had discovered many, many years ago.

“Maybe, Mr. Payne-Malik.” Liam huffs out, fingerprints digging into Zayn’s waist.

Zayn laughs, pressing a chaste kiss to Liam’s lips before placing a hand on Liam’s chest and sitting upright. “We’re never going to come to an agreement on that, are we?”

“Maybe so, maybe no.” Liam shrugs as best as he can while in his current position. It has Zayn laughing and poking at Liam’s sides but it’s the wrong thing to do because Liam’s grasping hold of his wrists and they’re back to Liam’s body, legs slotting against Zayn’s, with Liam looking down at Zayn with a smug grin.

“You’re horrid.” Zayn laughs resting his head against the bed before bringing a hand over the nape of Liam’s neck, pulling him down to meet his lips.

“Baba? Papa?” The door is just being pushed open and Zayn and Liam part from their kiss so quickly, Liam coming off of Zayn to turn towards their son.

“What’s wrong, Sami?”

Sami’s got a toy dog stuffed underneath his armpit and he’s rubbing at his tired eyes before a yawn escapes. “Had a nightmare. Can you guys sing to me again?”

Zayn can’t help it when a small laughter descends from him, “You’re not even crying, Beta.”

“Well, _duh._ ” Sami responds in a shrill voice, “It wasn’t scary. Just thought I saw mum..”

_With Sami being a curious child and Liam deciding that honesty was the best feat, the talk they had about Amber’s passing was one that Liam knew was harder for Liam to initially speak out on rather than Sami attempting to understand it._

_Maybe the timing was too soon and maybe they could’ve waited another year or two, but Sami was so conscious of everything and anything. The mere fact Sami was used to being exposed to male/female relationships was always a question to why his baba was a boy and not a female. And how was it possible for Zayn to have children? How_ was _it possible for **girls** to have babies, Dad?_

_That conversation had been an interesting one taking a turn to untouched territory. “When you’re older, we’ll talk again, okay?” Sami shrugged it off in the end. The resigned “Okay.” he’d breathe out because it was probably confusing him more than helping him before Sami was asking if they could get a dog for the millionth time._

Liam picks Sami up, shutting the door before turning to switch off the light and settle with the lamps on each individual side of the bed. Taking Sami to their bed, Sami settles against Zayn with the stuffed toy dog still in his arms and Liam follows suit on the opposite side of Sami.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Zayn offers but Sami just shakes it off, resting his curly-haired mane against Zayn’s chest.

“Can we go see her tomorrow?” Sami asks and Liam rubs his little back.

“If that’s what you want, Sweetheart.”

“It is.” He mumbles into Zayn’s chest. “Can you sing to me?”

Zayn looks over at Liam with a fond roll to his eyes but they comply with ease.

Liam kisses Sami’s head when they’ve finished the song, Sami long asleep, Liam’s reaching off to the nightstand, flicking his lamp off and Zayn does the same to his own.

Liam reaches for Zayn’s hand in the darkness and when they meet, Liam's thumb lingers, caressing so carefully and softly over the band wrapped around Zayn’s finger.

“Night, Sunshine.” Liam throws out the whisper into the darkness of the night but Zayn catches it, throwing back a, “Night, Jaan. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

They’re both more than surprised when the tiny human at their side speaks out, “I love you both, now go to sleep.”

~

They win both Grammy’s. They win both Grammy’s at the age of twenty-four/ twenty-three and they lose their mind. Sami’s with them, though he stays back with Niall and Harry as they accept their first award. It isn’t until they ace their performance and a few other artists play up their parts before _Zayn and Liam_ get called up for their second award. _Best R &B Song _and _Best R &B Album. _

It feels like they’ve done it all now. It truly feels like they’ve accomplished everything they could’ve but that feeling gets dug deep into the ground because, well, there’s a wedding four months away.

 

And when the wedding is right before them, it oddly enough feels like any other day. Ignoring the grand celebration of their matrimony and all. Ignoring the hundred or so people (still all friends and family) watching them make it all official, but not anymore real. What they’ve had for the past four years as a couple was real. What they had since they were fifteen/sixteen years old was more than real.

It just so happened to be on paper now.

-o-

_Was it difficult? The transition from best friends to musical partners to, ultimately, marriage partners?_

"Ayyy, how was that Sami?" Zayn’s grinning over, tucking in the small eight year old into a side hug while the other works at his in-ear. Liam comes up behind Zayn, a grin large and intact with the sheen of sweat on his forehead as he does the same, Ashley, an assistant, helping them out of their sound equipment.

"Dad almost killed himself on the ramp again. It’s not even embarrassing at this point. It’s just sad." Sami laughs, grinning over at Ashley who ruffles Sami’s soft, fluffy dark brown hair. It’s enough of a distraction that Liam needs as Sami’s hazel colored eyes are looking up at Liam with a grin that he tries to mirror before a fit of giggles are sounding and Liam’s throwing the young boy over his shoulder. 

"Wanna say that again, you little punk?" Liam questions, grabbing at Sami’s ankles and shaking the kid as he’s hanging upside down, the laughter increasing in decibels alongside the chorus of "Baba, do something!" 

Zayn is then and there, throwing fake attacks at Liam with dramatic  _'hi-yahs!_ ' and light jabs that have Liam flinching back with laughter.

That laughter on Liam's part get louder as well as Sami's little hands are ticking at his torso, “This isn't fair! Cheaters!” He exclaims and finds himself resigning to giving up the kid and setting him back on his feet, the round of attackers forcing Liam into a system where Steve, their audio director is letting out rounds of  _'Hey, hey, easy now. Take it outside.'_ But the tone is light and it ends with a smile as Sami steps forward and pounds his fist to Steve before Steve is ruffling his dark brown ruffles of soft hair. 

Regardless, Liam surrenders to Zayn and Sami with a breathy laugh as he rubs an arm across his forehead, “You win, you win. What do you lot want?”

"Well," Sami begins. "Since we’re in America— how about some In-N-Out." And it’s said more of a statement rather than a question that has Liam raising an eyebrow in Zayn’s direction. 

Zayn merely raises his hands, “He’s your kid— you introduced him to the food-joint. That’s your problem.” He counters with a laugh, Sami’s ‘ _Hey!’_ not going unnoticed. Zayn tucks Sami into his side with a grin and the, “ _I’m your kid, too._ " has his heart dropping to his stomach. 

It’s not like Sami’s ever been resilient to the thought of Zayn being his father. And thankfully so because Zayn’s grown far too fond of this boy, their son, to wish anything differently.

But, Zayn can’t really be blamed the fact that his heart _still_ expands in his chest because  _Yeah, this **is**_   _his kid, too._ But if he stands there and thinks about it, Zayn knows he’s going to get overwhelmed with emotions and it’s ridiculous, right? It’s been eight years and comments like those still flip his world around in the best way imaginable.

Liam seems to notice the change of emotions painting at Zayn’s face and it’s not long before Liam’s arm going around Zayn’s shoulders, pressing a kiss to Zayn’s temple, “ _Yeah,_ Zayn.  _Your_ kid, too. You’re just as much to blame for the unhealthy addiction he’s acquired.”

And he laughs, another kiss, this time to Zayn’s clean-cut cheek as they follow Sami who’s expressed the ‘ _You two are still embarrassing in public, though. Gooddddd.”_ But it’s never spiteful and it always elicits a wave of laughter between the two because, yeah, Sami’s still just your regular eight year old embarrassed of their parents showing affection in public.  _Especially,_ when it’s directed at him. Still a regular kid even though his life since birth had been anything but. 

Liam and Zayn make sure to thank the wonderful crew that they work with, expressing their gratitude on the wicked show and the anticipation they’re feeling for the  _final_ show tomorrow. At twenty seven, selling millions of albums, selling out  _arenas and_ _stadiums,_ currentlyon their fourth tour (definitely not the last), with five Grammy’s underneath their belt and a whole hell of a lot others tucked away into a room within the Malik-Payne household. 

Sami’s futbol trophy from Little League is the first one you see upon entering it, though.

Yeah, you could say that they’re kind of a family of winners.

Their body guards, Paddy and Paul are at their side with Sami running over at Paddy who hauls the kid onto his back.

Sami, in no time, begins to chants,  _"IN-N-OUT! IN-N-OUT!"_  and he doesn’t quit until they are making it out of the stadium, the sounds of their fans hollering and shouting for them even before they’re out of the building.

The bright flashes go off and while Zayn and Liam used to be extremely weary of exposing Sami to such things, the lights, the screaming, the mobs, they’d long learned how much of a people person their son was and— well, by the looks of him waving at people from Paddy’s perched shoulders with an irreplaceable grin, never smug or arrogant but warm and welcoming and it’s no surprise the fans love Sami just as much. It’s no surprise this eight year old kid has won the hearts of many people around the nation as it is with his Twitter handle exceeding in followers to the point where Zayn and Liam go a little wide-eyed.

Sami’s name is yelled out just as much, if not more, than Zayn and Liam’s when they’re walking through the parted crowd and Liam even swears he hears a  _'How's Layla?'_  but Liam tenses at the name and he doesn’t miss the rigidness in Zayn’s body either, though he’s got a smile spread across his face as they enter the black SUV with Sami taking the spot in the middle, between both fathers.

After situating himself with the seat-belt across his chest, Sami exhales a breath, his body deflating against the leather seats before wiping his long-sleeved sweater over his forehead.

"What?" he squeaks out at the looks his fathers’ are giving him. "Being famous is  _exhausting.”_  And when the car fills with laughter at the comment as it pulls away from the arena with Liam poking at Sami’s side, Sami laughs only to end with a proud grin on his face.

It’s only moments before Sami yawns and Zayn wraps an arm around his little boy, tucking him into him with Sami’s eyes fluttering shut. “‘m jus.. gonna nap, okay?” 

"Yeah, yeah. We’ll wake you up when we’re there." Zayn reassures, his eyes catching Liam’s. They smile at one another in the darkness of the night, Liam’s head resting against the headrest as his eyes change from the two most important boys in his life. Extending an arm on the seat, Liam’s hands rest at the nape of Zayn’s neck before mouthing about a simple,  _I love you._

The grin he gets from Zayn, the one where he scrunches his nose, and his eyes are squinting over, is enough for Liam to be satisfied with enough but the  _I’ve got you_ that follows has Liam squeezing at the nape of Zayn’s neck once with a smile of his own etching on his face.

When they’ve gotten their food and driven to their hotel with Sami very much still asleep and Zayn slowly drifting off, Liam’s the one who asks Paul and Paddy to help with the food alongside making sure Zayn doesn’t pass out mid-step while he carries Sami into their hotel. 

It’s nearing one am when they’re walking into the room, Karen immediately coming into view. “Fell asleep before eating his food again, didn’t he?” She whispers out with a smile, taking the plastic bags from Paul, thanking him and Paddy for bringing them all home safely before they make their way to their own rooms. 

"Yeah. You think the kids gonna make it but then he just— he falls asleep  _anywhere_ within a second. Just like his baba, eh?” Liam grins, setting Sami down on one of the two beds the hotel room provides with eyes looking over at Zayn who’s walking off to the corner of the room where a basinet is placed. 

"Quiet, you." Zayn responds, though his tone is light and careful before looking over the traveling basinet. "Lay is sleeping." 

"How’d she do?" Liam whispers over to his mum who’s already grabbing at her things with a smile to her face. 

"She’s an angel, you lot know this already. Give me all the Laylas’ in the world and I’ll gladly babysit for free." 

Liam chuckles lightly, a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks mum.” Zayn turns towards Karen, a warm smile sent in their direction, “Thanks, again. We owe you.” All to which Karen shoo’s off with her hand. “Don’t be ridiculous. It was nothing.” 

Zayn walks over to the two, giving Karen a proper hug and a kiss to the cheek and it’s within moments that she’s said her goodbyes and it’s back to just the two of them—well, the  _four_  of them. With their two, perfect little kids tucked right away. 

Liam hooks his chin over Zayn’s shoulder from behind as his arms wrap over the fronts of his stomach, exhaling out a breath as they watched Sami toss in his sleep, the room now smelling of burgers and fries. The small coo of Layla doesn’t go unnoticed but Liam’s well aware after the four months they’ve had the year old infant that Layla has a tendency of blubbering in her sleep. 

"We did this, yaknow." Zayn whispers, a hand placing itself over Liam’s arm. "Our family." 

Liam grins, snuggling into the nape of Zayn’s neck before pressing a kiss to the sheen-sweat skin. “Our family, indeed.” 

"Wouldn’t have had it any other way." Zayn whispers out, turning in Liam’s arms with his arms resting on Liam’s chest.

"I wasn’t lying when I said, _I’ve got you_." Liam responds with a smile, a long-awaited kiss pressing into Zayn’s lips. 

It’s sweet, tender, a hand cupping at a cheek while dull nails dig into the material of jeans. It isn’t until a grumble is sounded within Liam’s stomach does he pull away his rested forehead from Zayn’s. “I call the Double Double Cheeseburger.” A final chaste kiss is pressed to Zayn’s lips and all Zayn can do is roll his eyes, scolding Liam for the loud crunching noises of the plastic wrapping. 

When they’ve finished eating, not even ten minutes later and Layla is up and crying, Zayn lightly jabs at Liam because “ _I_ told  _you the telly was on too loud, Jaan.”_

Liam simply grins, wiping his hands on a napkin before leaning over to Zayn to kiss his lips. “Don’t worry, yeah? I’ve got her,Sunshine.” And he’s up to tend to their little girl with Zayn staring intently at the way Liam’s eyes shined as he spoke quietly to the little girl he was cradling in his arms.

_Zayn would smile and look over at Liam with a grin before turning to the interviewer. “Just like every other relationship, there are those ups and downs. But in the end, I’d always say to Liam: I’ve got you. Until, finally, one day he said it back. We’ve had one another since and we sincerely wouldn’t have had it any other way.”_

_“I’ve got you, Zayn.” Liam is quick to butt in in a sing-song manner, the cheeky smile far too smug for Zayn's liking._

_“I hate you.”_

_"You love me."_

 

_/fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Because I believe there should be credit where it is due... To Minnie, Ellen, Dani, Noel and everyone else who sent me such good vibes and giving me the words of encouragement I truly needed throughout this stressful, yet _exhilarating_ journey: You guys are truly wonderful and I hope you guys know I appreciate you guys believing in me the way that you do. I hope I haven't let you down.


End file.
